[ He looks at the fist; where it sits mid-swing, stopped where it is. Gorgug's eyes scan sideways, body not moving, not reacting to its presence. But his eyes close, he takes in a quiet breath through his nostrils, and there's an acceptance over him that he can experience. There's no fear over what he's doing (what he could be doing); and it's not to say that there isn't fear there, but it's turned towards sadness. Exhaustion. Crippling, crumbling towards defeat. Where you want to lay down and let someone take over, because you feel there's no better answer in yourself.
Isn't that exactly what Gorgug's doing?
And can't Fabian be his someone else?
He doesn't have to fight, something whispers in him. There, pushing against his brain, a freedom anyone should offer a friend they care about. Tantalising, and yet Gorgug gets it, Gorgug understands that deep sadness resonating from Fabian and into him. The confusion, the weariness; the desire to stop fighting, even when they can't. He squeezes his eyes to stay shut, and it isn't the first time they've been like this--close, with Gorgug above him, trying to chase away the demons. ]
I can't fight it, [ he whispers, voice hushed and quick. ] It makes me mad if I do. I can't do anything.
[ A beat. ] I don't have anything else.
[ He can't fight it. The loneliness in him, and the parts of Fabian that he can make feel better--can't he? It washes in, pressing against his being, and Gorgug lowers his head and brings his mouth to Fabian's neck. He moves the hand that was holding up his weight to around the side of Fabian's head, to help his angle as he sinks his lips there against his skin; trailing his mouth up, and letting his tongue skim along the artery that leads up to his ear.
It's wanting, it's desperate; it's a trembling journey. His mouth parts, and he doesn't know how much control he has over himself anymore, if he ever did, as he brings himself over to Fabian's lips with his, and he kisses him--he forces a kiss, pushing his tongue against teeth, biting on Fabian's lip hard if he has to. All to get entry into his mouth, so the darkness waiting in there can move forward.
So Gorgug can have his punishment for wanting Fabian with him in the first place--for letting the real pieces of him sneak out, to try and find someone to help him to begin with.
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Isn't that exactly what Gorgug's doing?
And can't Fabian be his someone else?
He doesn't have to fight, something whispers in him. There, pushing against his brain, a freedom anyone should offer a friend they care about. Tantalising, and yet Gorgug gets it, Gorgug understands that deep sadness resonating from Fabian and into him. The confusion, the weariness; the desire to stop fighting, even when they can't. He squeezes his eyes to stay shut, and it isn't the first time they've been like this--close, with Gorgug above him, trying to chase away the demons. ]
I can't fight it, [ he whispers, voice hushed and quick. ] It makes me mad if I do. I can't do anything.
[ A beat. ] I don't have anything else.
[ He can't fight it. The loneliness in him, and the parts of Fabian that he can make feel better--can't he? It washes in, pressing against his being, and Gorgug lowers his head and brings his mouth to Fabian's neck. He moves the hand that was holding up his weight to around the side of Fabian's head, to help his angle as he sinks his lips there against his skin; trailing his mouth up, and letting his tongue skim along the artery that leads up to his ear.
It's wanting, it's desperate; it's a trembling journey. His mouth parts, and he doesn't know how much control he has over himself anymore, if he ever did, as he brings himself over to Fabian's lips with his, and he kisses him--he forces a kiss, pushing his tongue against teeth, biting on Fabian's lip hard if he has to. All to get entry into his mouth, so the darkness waiting in there can move forward.
So Gorgug can have his punishment for wanting Fabian with him in the first place--for letting the real pieces of him sneak out, to try and find someone to help him to begin with.
No one will want him now. ]