[ There's a haze over Gorgug, and even with every terrible thing that he's already done, what he's doing now twists at the pit of his stomach something awful. The parts of him that enjoys it, the part of him that knows that it's wrong: he indulged in the contradiction during each test that he found himself drawn to. Telling Krouse that he deserved to rot in a jail of his own guilt, shouting and screaming at Rosie that she was nothing but a fraud who earned what happened to her. And now he's here, pressing his body against Fabian's, his tongue reaching in for his, the taste of intimacy making him want to search deeper and deeper for more.
And he's infecting him. He's making him as bad as him.
What's the point? Fighting it, being anything else than some figure of himself he never knew, but was always detested for belonging in the shadow of: his heritage as part orc, chastised for years by peers for not standing up for himself, chasing away relatives for daring to be born. He hates it: these ghosts he never asked for now haunting him here, being told to seek his anger and now, he can't control it. Every little thing going wrong, and it would be better just to give in. To be nothing.
To wait for someone to take him out.
And then Fabian thrashes.
His body writhes under his, he hits against him, twists, pushes forward their faces, and there's an instance where Gorgug pushes back. He grabs into Fabian's hair to control him and pushes his own face down, refuses to give him room to move; his lips seeking to bruise at Fabian's, a growl sounding from his throat. A leg up against Fabian's crotch, intention there that may still be too rough, that may be difficult to know if he means to threaten, or to take this somewhere else: the same place he's been offering for this encounter to go for a while. He breaks apart their kiss to lick his tongue flat across the soft texture of Fabian's lips, his breath starting to heave, a growing excitement building in his already trembling limbs.
Fingers dig harder into Fabian's scalp, and there's another sound from deep inside Gorgug's throat as his eyes again are screwed up tight. He grits his teeth, and then slides the hand holding the top of Fabian's head onto the floor, slipping it inch by inch from him, trying to crawl away.
As he tries to do the same with the arm across Fabian's chest to pinning him, his weight loosening above him. Saliva wets around his mouth, but there's a glint around his eyes, too, small grunts that begin to sound like small sobs trapped in his throat.
He can't. He can't give up if it means hurting Fabian; he can't give up if he's going to do something like this. He can't, he finds himself managing for this moment, in this instance. But it's hard to fight, when everything that tells him this is wrong makes it feel right, too.
And didn't he want to not be alone? Hasn't he felt alone all this time? When there's only one voice he hears anymore coming from inside him, telling him that this is the way it's going to be.
He's so despicable anyway. Who is he trying to fall by backing out now?
no subject
And he's infecting him. He's making him as bad as him.
What's the point? Fighting it, being anything else than some figure of himself he never knew, but was always detested for belonging in the shadow of: his heritage as part orc, chastised for years by peers for not standing up for himself, chasing away relatives for daring to be born. He hates it: these ghosts he never asked for now haunting him here, being told to seek his anger and now, he can't control it. Every little thing going wrong, and it would be better just to give in. To be nothing.
To wait for someone to take him out.
And then Fabian thrashes.
His body writhes under his, he hits against him, twists, pushes forward their faces, and there's an instance where Gorgug pushes back. He grabs into Fabian's hair to control him and pushes his own face down, refuses to give him room to move; his lips seeking to bruise at Fabian's, a growl sounding from his throat. A leg up against Fabian's crotch, intention there that may still be too rough, that may be difficult to know if he means to threaten, or to take this somewhere else: the same place he's been offering for this encounter to go for a while. He breaks apart their kiss to lick his tongue flat across the soft texture of Fabian's lips, his breath starting to heave, a growing excitement building in his already trembling limbs.
Fingers dig harder into Fabian's scalp, and there's another sound from deep inside Gorgug's throat as his eyes again are screwed up tight. He grits his teeth, and then slides the hand holding the top of Fabian's head onto the floor, slipping it inch by inch from him, trying to crawl away.
As he tries to do the same with the arm across Fabian's chest to pinning him, his weight loosening above him. Saliva wets around his mouth, but there's a glint around his eyes, too, small grunts that begin to sound like small sobs trapped in his throat.
He can't. He can't give up if it means hurting Fabian; he can't give up if he's going to do something like this. He can't, he finds himself managing for this moment, in this instance. But it's hard to fight, when everything that tells him this is wrong makes it feel right, too.
And didn't he want to not be alone? Hasn't he felt alone all this time? When there's only one voice he hears anymore coming from inside him, telling him that this is the way it's going to be.
He's so despicable anyway. Who is he trying to fall by backing out now?
Why not take it as far as he possibly can--? ]