Is this better? Is it worse? Fabian is not sure if it's better, actually, even if this does explain that it's not like there's some sort of personal grudge or apprehension on Gorgug's part towards kissing Fabian. It should be a good thing, and yet Fabian still finds himself feeling like shit. Gorgug is saying he was trying his best, but-- wasn't Fabian? He waited for him for ages! He was the one who kept himself to their promise when Gorgug didn't! He was just worried for the other, and now it's his fault?
It doesn't feel great. None of it does. But even though Fabian can complain very loudly about a lot of things, his own personal feelings - well, beyond being annoyed at this place, but that feels more like objective reality than anything personal - are something different. It feels like-- Like back home. Like how terrible he felt that mama was leaving for a year, but saying something about it felt wrong. She loved him. He's a big guy now. It's fine.
.. Gorgug loves him. He's.. a big guy now. It's fine. He's strong enough to not show this stuff. It's fine.
Fabian sucks in a deep breath. As the air fills his lungs, he does the same thing he always tries to do. He takes all the feelings and just-- just shoves them away. Like they're something to think about later. Not now. He blinks until his eyes feel more dry. He forces his face into something a little more neutral.
Only when he feels like he'll be able to look and sound relatively normal does he finally turn around. ]
We are exclusive. I was just annoyed-- I didn't mean it.
[ It helps when not a single word of that is a lie. It makes it easier to just say them, to not think about the rest of it. ]
no subject
Is this better? Is it worse? Fabian is not sure if it's better, actually, even if this does explain that it's not like there's some sort of personal grudge or apprehension on Gorgug's part towards kissing Fabian. It should be a good thing, and yet Fabian still finds himself feeling like shit. Gorgug is saying he was trying his best, but-- wasn't Fabian? He waited for him for ages! He was the one who kept himself to their promise when Gorgug didn't! He was just worried for the other, and now it's his fault?
It doesn't feel great. None of it does. But even though Fabian can complain very loudly about a lot of things, his own personal feelings - well, beyond being annoyed at this place, but that feels more like objective reality than anything personal - are something different. It feels like-- Like back home. Like how terrible he felt that mama was leaving for a year, but saying something about it felt wrong. She loved him. He's a big guy now. It's fine.
.. Gorgug loves him. He's.. a big guy now. It's fine. He's strong enough to not show this stuff. It's fine.
Fabian sucks in a deep breath. As the air fills his lungs, he does the same thing he always tries to do. He takes all the feelings and just-- just shoves them away. Like they're something to think about later. Not now. He blinks until his eyes feel more dry. He forces his face into something a little more neutral.
Only when he feels like he'll be able to look and sound relatively normal does he finally turn around. ]
We are exclusive. I was just annoyed-- I didn't mean it.
[ It helps when not a single word of that is a lie. It makes it easier to just say them, to not think about the rest of it. ]
You can't just stay out here though.