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[ O-oh. That answer is the sort that Gorgug expects from Fabian, and when he says no, Gorgug plans to say nothing more. He relinquishes the pin easily, watches as Fabian fiddles with it, compliant, and happy to be quiet.

But he is looking at Fabian. Watching him, and catching that hand that goes to his face. It's good thinking on Fabian's part then to distract him, bringing him down into a kiss that Gorgug easily accepts, that shuts off his brain; that continues to make his nerves continue that funny feeling on inside his chest.

It doesn't mean that Gorgug's forgotten what he saw just now. Or, perhaps it doesn't matter; perhaps the problem is in the way that Fabian speaks, says It's us, that touches Gorgug in a way that he's been noticing recently. Has it been because of Solmara? Where his mind has been since then, or maybe it started sooner--back when the infection of the Im'mari led his thoughts from a frustration in himself to a dissatisfaction with the state of their situation around them. Maybe it started with them in their apartment in that winter season, Fabian pushing out his frustrations out from his stubborn exterior, forcing Gorgug to shift his perspective, too.

All of that, leading Gorgug to these feelings now: of being over following supposed dangers to their worlds with no proof, of spending all his time studying and practicing, and not giving more of himself to those he cares for.

He looks at Fabian, sees his expression, and wants to say something--meaningful. Something like, I like us, but cooler, definitely cooler. 'You make me happy'? 'I'm happy I'm with you'? ]

Cool, [ is what Gorgug lands on eventually; his tone a touch soft, his head pulling back out, though he doesn't move away entirely from Fabian. Eyes glancing at the pin, and then back on his face.

It's us, Fabian says, and Gorgug knows what he means. And yet, there's a lot that's us to Gorgug. There's a lot they are. ]

I've been thinking... I'm getting sick of these missions too. I don't think we've been doing what we would do, if we were all here.

[ There's parts of them that have been missing, an energy that's been lacking from Fabian, from all of them. They've been too tame. Too rule-abiding.

And Gorgug wonders, asking Fabian, to see if he's noticed it: ] Do you want to do some crazy shit and break into the hospital that's totally fucked the deeper you go down?

[ Doesn't it just seem like something they would've--or should've--done by now?

(Note: This is absolutely connected to the doki feelings inside Gorgug's heart, and not entirely unrelated.) ]

[ There's something to be said for the fact that Fabian doesn't get into a whole fit over Gorgug only responding to something like that with cool. Maybe the fact he made this - such a clear symbol of their connection - already made it clear enough to Fabian what Gorgug feels, or maybe Fabian is at a point where he naturally understands it already.

Even if all Gorgug is saying is cool. That's just a Gorgug thing.

No, what follows after that cool is far more surprising than the word itself. It shows on Fabian's face as he apparently doesn't even bother to hide his surprise at those words. His eye widens, and he momentarily stares at Gorgug as if the other grew a second head, the pin entirely forgotten. (In a different situation he might have teased the other guy with the fact that Fabian was saying all this romantic stuff and Gorgug just starts talking about the revolution-- But it seems like Gorgug is getting spared that torment this time around.)

Instead, still with that wide eye, Fabian says: ]

You want to? [ Sure, it's not like Gorgug never expressed any negative feelings about this place or what they're dealing with. But it had always been so different from Fabian's own feelings. Gorgug was always more willing to just go along with things to a certain extent.

This is different from that. ]

I thought you liked Aurora.

[ There's no accusation in those words - only surprise. The pettiness Fabian had whenever he spoke of the way Gorgug treated the companion bots isn't here at all now, perhaps because that was also just very much connected to jealousy back then. ]

I like Aurora, [ he agrees (or admits?), yet with a tone that already voices a but. ] But we're all sick of playing along, right? Don't you think everyone is afraid of causing trouble because they might get their worlds destroyed, but we're usually the ones who do something about the thing threatening the world anyway?

[ Aren't they the guys to go up against a big bad? An unknown force? Not that they've ever been up against a foe that holds the fate of endless worlds, but. It had to happen someday, didn't it?

But there's something to it that Gorgug wants to express, that he's trying. Where this is connected to us, even if he speaks about more than the two of them. Something noticed in Fabian that's been lacking, that's gorgeous as well, in a sense. What he wants to see in Fabian, even if he might like this intimacy between them right now (that happens to involve the revolution). ]

You're always depressed before missions. And I'm not happy about them either, and Riz... I know he hates being stuck on a mystery, and there hasn't been anything for him to investigate. I just feel like... I hate us being stuck like this, and I want us to do what we're good at. And if there's a way to get out of this, I don't want to find out we were sitting five feet away from the answer because we were afraid we would get in trouble.

[ Though, it's never been about them. It's been about their world, their friends and their families. And while Gorgug doesn't mention it, he can't completely ignore it, his expression starting to turn into a uncertain, kind of worry... ]

Is it crazy? Is it too insane? What if we're being dunked right now? What if the answers right there and we were too scared to go looking for it?

[ Wouldn't it be cringe? Wouldn't it be embarrassing? ]

[ He can just see the overthinking starting to happen in the other. Not at the beginning - Fabian thinks Gorgug is valid to say all of that, really. But there at the end he's getting a little bit too much into his own thoughts, questioning himself in that way Fabian has seen him do so many times before. Even way back when they hardly knew each other, back when Fabian told Gorgug to stop calling himself stupid. ]

Alright, I really need you to stop second-guessing yourself midway through like that.

[ Despite the serious topic, Fabian's tone is still a little light right now - but maybe that's just to help his attempt of drawing Gorgug a little more out of his own mind, so the other can view all of this without worrying if he's being too crazy. ]

I don't think it's too crazy at all, Gorgug. I stopped believing our world was actually at stake a long time ago. [ Sure, Fabian may not have definite proof. But he has a Hunch, and when has a Fabian Aramais Seacaster Hunch ever been wrong??

(Don't answer that one. Let him live in his own little delusion.) ]

I mean.. The only thing at stake if you want to do that sort of thing is all of us.

[ Is that the reason Fabian hasn't tried anything himself? Who knows, he doesn't seem to be elaborating on that a whole lot - but then again, it's not like Fabian has ever been the most forthcoming when it comes to his deeper feelings. ]

That's the only thing you have to worry about if you'd want to try anything.

[ Fabian pulls Gorgug out from the waters he was about to walk deep into, the self-doubt, so sure of the course of action, but knowing he's not usually the one to bring it forward. He's not the one to suggest the big ideas. Where's Kristen and Fig when you need someone to suggest big ideas?

But Gorgug fixes on Fabian, and he shuts up at Fabian's (gentle) telling off. He listens to him, contains himself. Listen to what matters the most, possibly, and that--that, Gorgug's thought about too. ]

I don't want anything to happen to the people that we like, [ Gorgug admits. ] But they're part of the reason I want to do this, too. This isn't... I don't trust people will be okay if things stay the way they are. It doesn't feel right.

[ Will they just make things worse, regardless? Is it better to have their situation potentially fuck up now instead of later? There's so many questions, and never any answers.

And that's the real problem. That's why he's feeling so antsy.

He's no less reluctant to make such a call, however. Being the one to take action in a way that will impact everyone, in a way they never asked for. So, Gorgug's slow to speak, to say as reluctantly as he does: ]

...I want to risk it.

[ He wants to know. ]

Then let's.

[ Fabian says it so easily. Really, with how easily he's agreeing here, it's almost as if he was the one who suggested it in the first place, rather than Gorgug.. Even though it clearly was Gorgug who brought it up.

Don't think too hard about it, bro. Especially when there's already so many fussy thoughts going on in Gorgug's mind right now.

(Though maybe that's - even though it's not the main reason - part of the reason why Fabian so easily agrees in this moment. Because he can see all the worry cogs turning in Gorgug's mind, and it's always easier for Fabian to take those away from others, to be the confident one so others won't have to worry.

To make things seem more simple when he isn't busy whining about something himself.)

He even reaches out to smack Gorgug's shoulder with his hand. Totally casual here! Bro!! Stop worrying!!! Even though this is literally a thing that could fuck up a whole lot of shit and it's actually very valid to worry right now!!! ]

Are you saying you have some sort of clue we can work off, dude?

[ Really, the way that Fabian is speaking is putting Gorgug at ease, even if someone other person might find it too easy going, too straightforward. But it's good to have someone in your corner, think the way you do--and it makes sense, considering the influences Gorgug's had in his life. Fabian being a part of that wild, risk-taking ride. ]

Well, I know Aurora has contact with Echo, but I don't know how much. [ That's always been a secret, as far as Gorgug knows. 'Echo is Echo'. ] But Aurora gave me special access for the elevator, and I don't think Aurora would let us die if we tried taking it down to her level... we did that with Borealis, and he didn't want us there.

[ Was he being a sulking big kid? Maybe, but Gorgug can't say for sure. ]

So, I guess.. going straight down's one way.

[ And then hope they get lucky??? Don't ask him about the other steps. ]

[ Huh.

Fabian didn't fully realize that Gorgug has that much of an in with Aurora. Sure, it's a good thing if they really want to do that, considering the stories he's heard of what's up with that place if you try going there without access, but there's another part of him that does feel a little iffy about Gorgug having this much of a proximity to Aurora.

(Is he jealous again? Who knows - Fabian certainly doesn't. All he knows is that it makes some part of him huffy, though he discards it for now, knowing that it's unnecessary to bring up.

And kind of embarrassing for him, honestly.)

Still.. ]

Do you know for sure that special access won't just kill us right away?

[ Would it kill them? The question baffles Gorgug, and he needs a second to think about it, try and even imagine what Fabian could mean. ]

You mean I use it, and we die? Why would Aurora give me something like that?

[ Ah, though: ] She made me hand some to other people, too.

[ See? It's not a potential death trap for one person! That makes it safe! ]

[ Gorgug asks why would Aurora give me something like that and Fabian is just giving him a Look. Such a Look. As if Gorgug just became the living embodiment of the 'You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?' meme.

Not that he doesn't get why the other is saying that. Gorgug trusts Aurora. He's in contact with her. (Actually, wait, no, he still doesn't want to think about that too hard.)

But from Fabian's point of view-- Well, let's just say things are very different. ]

People said before that it was dangerous to go down there. [ Without a pass, sure, but considering Fabian doesn't trust Aurora, the pass is nowhere near a guarantee to him. ] And she is putting us into situations where we could get killed all the time.

[ It's not like Gorgug doesn't understand where Fabian is coming from, but there's a difference in perspective, and Gorgug's cheek lifts on one side of his face before the 'Yeah, but...' starts to come out. ]

Isn't it kinda in the same way that our teachers put us in danger, except Aurora doesn't get to pick the curriculum... except maybe when they happen? [ He is trying to make a comparison here. Did it work.

Regardless: ] And-- it's dangerous. But when I went down there, she told me how far I could go before it was dangerous.

[ And yet, even Gorgug gets an inkling (from past conversations) that telling Fabian this isn't going to make the other guy happy. And that maybe talking about Aurora is only going to make him more agitated... ]

[ Fabian is indeed making the sort of face that betrays he is likely about to go on a rant about how Ms. Jones and Ms. Skullcleaver would never do something like this to him, which would only make him more and more wound up.

.. but Fabian realizes that last part too. Not because he's very self-aware - let's be real: he is not - but mostly because he's realizing that would mean he would start to fight with Gorgug, and that's the last thing he wants to do. Especially when some of the people here, and his fellow Bad Kids most of all, are just about the only thing in this place keeping him from completely breaking down over being stuck here.

It at least keeps him from lashing out, but it sure doesn't make him look any happier either, since it means the frustration and bad feelings are all left inside of him, with nowhere to go. Fabian is practically deflating from angry porcupine to a kicked dog that doesn't know if it's angry or sad about the kicking. Or both. ]

I don't want to argue with you.

[ Even his tone betrays as much about his emotions - it kind of sounds like Fabian always does before he starts to tear up, even if he's not tearing up right now. (Yet, anyway.)

He is, however, looking away from Gorgug. Maybe he's afraid the tearing up will happen anyway if he looks at him. Fabian swallows, but his throat feels thick, the words harder to find when he has to hold back and think of what else he can say here. It takes a moment. ]

I just want to get out of here.

[ Gorgug doesn't want to argue, either.

And he felt they were on the cusp of one--if not an argument, then on souring feelings, which is where this has gone anyway. Gorgug looks down when he sees how Fabian's expression changes, how he can't seem to look at him, unsure of what to say. And he feels like this is a time when he should say something good: be reassuring, but in a way that's honest. That sounds honest. ]

I want to get out of this, too, [ he admits, his voice softer. ] And if we... have to fight, and go up against whatever's down there, then I-- I want to do it.

[ He pauses, then hopes he sounds genuine as he promises, ] I won't let my guard against Aurora. I promise.

[ He sucks in a breath. Something about it seems to give him at least enough strength to look at the other, even though Fabian's emotions still feel like they sit very wobbly inside of his chest right now.

It's an awful feeling. ]

I don't want you to get hurt. [ Because of her being the implication, of course. It feels inevitable that one of them might get hurt in this process. Just like every single time they do something reckless and heroic together.

But if Aurora is deceiving Gorgug in any way to try and hurt him with it, then Fabian is absolutely burning her down. Even if there's something like jealousy in the way he feels whenever Gorgug talks about Aurora, this more protective feeling is also very real. ]

[ It's troubling, difficult. Gorgug understands the implication, and yet, Gorgug knows he's ready to get hurt. Both of them would be in any situation--they're the ones who put their bodies on the line first, but this isn't entirely what Fabian means, he thinks. Is there anything that can be said that's reassuring in this moment?

He takes a hold of one of Fabian's hands, squeezing it. Quiet for a second longer. ]

...I really appreciate how much you care about me, and I hope you know that-- I care about you, too. And that... I know we both know how dangerous this will be, and... we want each other to be safe, and you've been there when I've been hurt bad by this place.

[ He wants to be honest. He wants to acknowledge both of their feelings, when nothing can smother the danger in trying something like this. So Gorgug is looking at Fabian, whether his head hangs or his one eye is willing to meet both of Gorgug's. It's okay. Emotions are funny, and difficult, too. ]

I'm... glad we got together. I'm glad you're my boyfriend.

[ But this isn't difficult. Not to say, not to admit.

He just wants to make sure that Fabian knows, in case it wasn't obvious. ]

.. I know.

[ It's said a little quietly, but it doesn't make it any less true. It's likely that he's just being quiet because it's a little embarrassing to need this kind of reassurance - especially when he realizes that it's helping. Something in his heart feels a little warmer and softer at hearing Gorgug say that. Even if it's true that he already knows the other cares about him, and is glad that they're dating, it's still nice to hear for Fabian. Especially right now.

He exhales, hoping that some of these dumb feelings can also leave his body alongside the breath. So at least his chest can feel a little less tight. ]

We're going to be in this together. [ He glances at their now joined hands for a moment, but then Fabian's eye rises back up to Gorgug's face again. The sigh does help his voice sound a little steadier, though it's not at his usual full level again. ] No matter what happens. That's the important part, right?

[ That they know they will have each other's backs when shit goes down. Regardless of their respective feelings about Aurora. ]

[ He's glad to see Fabian's eye on him, agreeing with him--with him, in both this moment and with the plan. It makes Gorgug feel more sure, not doubting Fabian's commitment when he offers it, but in giving Fabian what he needs right now, too.

There's a smile that draws on his face, his nod small and quick. ]

We wouldn't be us if we weren't a team. [ ... ] Doing something stupid and dangerous and fucked up.

[ It's kind of their thing. And their thing is something they haven't felt like in so long, that even Gorgug is noticing its absence in them. A need to push through the doubt and to go for their goals. ]

It's better than doing any of these dumb missions.

[ Being a superhero is so cringe. ]

[ Fabian slips his hand out of the other's grasp at that. He raises his arm, instead moving his wrists up until they're leaning on Gorgug's shoulders, his hands hanging over Gorgug's back.

It would probably look a lot more sexy if Fabian didn't have to stand on tiptoes just to do this, but it's a sacrifice he's willing to make in this moment. Especially when he'd like to move past this dumb tight feeling in his chest, when he instead wants to focus on something more fun, something that makes him feel happy rather than weighted down. ]

You wanted to see me do something stupid and dangerous and fucked up this bad? All you had to do was ask, you know. [ He's definitely doing that stupid-sexy-Fabian grin right now. It's all over his face. ]

[ It's nice, when Fabian puts his hands on it. It's a simple movement, his wrists resting on Gorgug's shoulders, but Gorgug dips his head, as if that might bring them any closer. A sound hums against his mouth at Fabian's remark, witty, and truthfully, he was hoping to go this way--a direction away from serious conversations, and closer towards them. ]

What if I did?

[ Is he daring Fabian? Testing him? Maybe he does want to see Fabian do all that.

There's a lot of weirdos around here, anyway. ]

Hmmm...

[ There's a long, drawn-out hum. Purposefully drawn out, because Fabian moves to kiss Gorgug even as he's still humming and lingering in that kiss for a moment.

It's only when he pulls back - though slightly, their heads still close - that he speaks again. ]

Then how about I take over the system here, and I send everyone on a mission where the only goal is that everyone has to worship me? [ It's so clearly not serious. If the words themselves weren't enough, then Fabian's dumb flirty tone would probably do the trick all by itself.

Or maybe him adding: ]

But even then, I'd still choose you out of all of them.

[ You know, being extra sappy on purpose to draw his boyfriend into a better mindspace. Just dumb, silly fun. ]

[ Fabian comes up with the kind of ideas Gorgug could never. That's what stands out to Gorgug in Fabian's cheeky idea, moreso than anything towards jealousy or confusion. The tone does help, makes it funny, and Gorgug, even if his boyfriend does love to preen, would never take that idea as serious.

Maybe. He'll have to think about it later, with more time.

For right now, the sap takes all of Gorgug's attention. Surprising, with it showing in Gorgug's eyes, and that's what he takes time to process: because there's a lot of people in Etraya, and there could be someone better to pick. Or is it hearing Fabian say that he would pick Gorgug at all that stands out in that?

Fabian would pick him. And there's a declaration in that, that Gorgug is willing to take serious. His smile warm, soft, a little distracted with his gaze that lowers for a blink but then returns to Fabian.

He puts his hands around to the small of his back. ]

I love you too, [ he says, before he can back out. The words a test, that he almost thinks he should ask permission for, but also doesn't want to--that he hopes sound okay from his mouth, and that their relationship is at a point where Fabian thinks it sounds okay, too.

That it sounds right. That it fits them. ]

[ .. huh?

W-Wait. What? What? Huh?????

Sure, Fabian was being very sappy only a moment ago. On purpose. And it's not like what he was saying is technically all that far from what Gorgug is saying here - in an objective sense, anyway. It's different in Fabian's mind, and it makes him mentally stumble the second he hears Gorgug say those words.

Not that he tries to draw away from the other's hold or anything. It's more that the half-elf seems to freeze in said hold, staring at Gorgug with one very wide eye, unblinking in sheer surprise.

And with cheeks that are rapidly starting to grow darker and darker as blood rushes through them. It's not just shock, after all.

It's definitely fluster. ]

D-- Did I-- Did I say that?

[ Maybe it's not so much that he minds Gorgug saying those words, as much as he's just flustered about the idea of saying them himself...

Don't worry, Gorgug. This is just a dumb kind of freaking out, rather than rejection. You know how bad Fabian is with feelings. He's an idiot. ]

It did sound like it...

[ Gorgug looks aside, bashful as he confirms that I love you is what he heard in Fabian's painted scenario. Bashful, but not questioning his own ears, even if there's the possibility that Fabian might take it back; he could react and say or do anything next, and Gorgug wonders if he wants to help give Fabian an out. Does he want to give himself an out? He doesn't think Fabian looks mortified, but...

This kind of intimacy--romantic intimacy--has Gorgug feeling its full fluster in himself, as well. He likes Fabian. He's okay with saying that he loves Fabian. Isn't that the point of dating? Where you no longer question if you're just doing some exclusive thing with just a friend than an actual romantic partner, like some kind of elaborate friends with benefits routine.

They're together, and Gorgug likes it. He wants to wake up next to Fabian and go out on dates with him, and he wants them to snuggle up close while watching fireworks at night, or something like that. ]

I can take it back, if it's too soon, [ Gorgug offers; slowly, but also: ] But I still like you a lot.

[ And that's just another way of saying the same thing, in this instance. ]

No.

[ Fabian says that rather quickly. Awkwardly quickly, too. Because he means the no to be for I can take it back, but it stumbles out right after Gorgug is voicing the period at the end of but I still like you a lot, Fabian's cheeks still flushed as he tries to voice words that feel like they are leaving his mouth so much more slowly than they have any right to.

He shakes his head. ]

No, I-- It's--

[ His gaze is nervously fluttering around, though it's not like it never returns to Gorgug's own. It's more that he seems to be having trouble holding it for an extended amount of time while his brain is scrambling for the right words. ]

I've. Um. [ ... ] I have never said it before. [ That's apparently the thing that tripped Fabian's mind like that. Hard to have said it before in this sort of context when you practically have no dating history to speak of, after all.

It's not like he told Aelwyn that. Gods, that's an awkward snake pit all of its own anyway. ]

I suppose I-- I might not know the right time to say it. [ Fabian feels so awkward admitting to this. It's the kind of vulnerability he isn't good with, but maybe the fact he's trying so hard for Gorgug here is saying I love you more than any words could.

Fabian wouldn't try to work through his own vulnerability so openly for just anyone, after all. ]

But I-- I love you too. [ A slight pause, and then, so quickly and flustered: ] Ifyoudon'tthinkthat'sstrange.

[ He's being so cool and normal right now, Gorgug!!! ]

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