maximumlegend | etraya ic inbox.

[ There's a slight pause before the next message arrives. Something like hesitation. ]

i mean
you were there
it was a whole thing

[ Not that he means Gorgug should have known better before asking - it's just that it feels easier to answer the question this way, rather than go into everything he felt back in that moment.

Sometimes he doesn't really like thinking back on it too hard. Even if the discovery had been nice, the part that came before it just really doesn't feel all that great, even a year later. ]

i needed anything at all that could give me direction back then
i guess

[ "I guess", like it wasn't a huge deal, but.. look, he doesn't want to examine his own emotions!! What if he gets a little too upset!! Nuh-uh!! ]

[ Oh no, we didn't clarify so well for a Bro. We made things awkward for the Bro. ]

sorry
i didnt mean just back then but

[ It's not panic, rushed typing-and-sending, but he does pause then to consider where he's going with this. Maybe he doesn't need to go anywhere with it, he's said already what wanted, but there was this want to make some kind of connection. Because making a connection with how he's feeling, or felt about things...

He's never really had that often, he realises. But he might be starting to go in a circle, so... ]

i think i see more what i want to be these days
dancing and tinkering are pretty different but
i guess i didnt know if your lessons made you feel that way too ?
?

but we know it's been a big deal for both of us so it's not that important
if dancing is just for you and something for battle, its still really cool

oh no
that is what i meant by it being just for me

[ It only strikes him now that Gorgug doesn't know, probably doesn't get it. Or-- maybe he gets it, but can't see it as easily as Fabian can. It's what happens when something is so prominent inside of your own mind, but you just never properly express it to other people.

It means you can mention it as something natural at some point, and the other person might not catch on. Even if that person is your friend.

(Because you suck at talking to your friends about some specific things.) ]

ever since i was young i always tried to be just like papa
and only like papa
everything i did was to be more like him

that is why dance is important to me
it's the first thing i did that was just for me
and not for papa

it's what makes me fabian

[ Instead of just Bill Seacaster 2.0 - which was a standard he was never going to be able to live up to in the first place, even long before the Leviathan disaster. ]

so i guess it's similar to you in that sense
if artificing makes you feel like you know more what you want to be

[ It might've not been a clarification that was needed, really, but it's still nice--this conversation, seeing into Fabian's head, his feelings, even if he's not one to shy away from sharing those regularly. How he sees himself, now and then...

He likes what makes Fabian, Fabian, Gorgug thinks--but he'll keep that in his beautiful mind palace. ]

yeah

[ Just yeah for a bit, before: ]

what do you want to do after school?
have you been looking at colleges?

[ And not, 'has Riz been making you look at colleges'? ]

i haven't really thought about it

[ It's the honest answer. Yes, maybe Riz has shoved some brochures at him, but Fabian definitely threw those away without even really looking at them.. Sorry, Riz, bud.. You're trying so hard, you deserve better than these kids..

But more so than thinking about Riz's brochures, he's thinking about Gorgug asking him this question. ]

why?
have you?

yeah
if i get good enough grades i want to go to an artificer college

but if i can get my artificing and barbarian lessons to work too? i would want to share that with people

but i really dont want the coursework to crush me the same it has been at school

[ That's the thing for Gorgug, and how much artificing has changed his life: he has been thinking about college, even though there's a hurdle of not exactly being in any position to seriously consider them... has he been thinking about it? Looking at places in the moments of time he really doesn't have to waste with wishful thinking? Yes.

There's something like a path for Gorgug to follow, or go down, for once. ]

[ .. oh.

An artificer college, huh.

Fabian didn't really consider the future beyond high school, but.. there is something about thinking about this now that makes it feel a little bit lonely. Maybe he just assumed that all of them would go on to have adventures by default. That they'd just naturally stick together, in that way they had grown to be friends beyond just being forced into an adventuring party together by being the only ones to not join a different party yet.

But an artificer college isn't a place any of them would be at other than Gorgug.

...

Why does it hurt a little bit? ]

oh
that is cool

[ Joke's on you if you thought Fabian was going to express even a single bit of that emotion. Nope. Burying it down. Only being supportive of his pal here!! ]

i am sure it can't be as bad as it has been this year
i mean it's mostly been that bad because of the situation with porter right
they're probably more calm than that at a place full of artificers

[ Yeah, a place full of nerds. ]

especially since you're getting good at artificing anyway
you'd do well there

[ Surely they all want to go into further education for their specific interests, right?? ]

its mainly doing work for 3 grades in 1. but porter didn't help with adding to the stress
but yeah
i hope i can do well
i really want to see what i can make
i want to see if i can get more books while i'm stuck here
maybe i can make us something cool

you can make requests

[ Unfortunately, what would Gorgug's insight do even if he rolled well while texting to a friend over their crystals? (Crystals they don't even need to be using here, and yet....).

Perhaps he could stop to consider that none of them have spoken about their futures, and what they imagine for them. What they want for them, and that he's speaking to another of his adventuring group.

But if Fabian had a problem with it, wouldn't he say? And Fabian has dancing--he must have some desire to keep getting better in his chosen roles. They all must have ideas. ]

[ A problem? Please, there's no problem here. There doesn't have to be a problem as long as Fabian all buries it deep down within him and doesn't think about it until it all catches up with him when he's lying in bed and he just lies there awake staring at the ceiling for hours--

Anyway. It's fine.

It's cool.

Nothing to see here, Gorgug. ]

you mean requests so you can practice??

[ See? Way safer topic. Nailed it. ]

i don't know
what sort of things were you making in artificer class
i don't think i need a homunculus

[ Especially nothing like Cloaca. That's kind of a nightmare. Sorry, Gorgug. ]

[ What's unseen: the hundred yard stare as Gorgug reflects on not only everything made for artificer classes, but everything studied for artificer classes. ]

i can go through my notes and see what i find

[ h-how-- how about that.

Granted, he'll have to do more than go through his notes, but... he can probably remember with some time to actually think about it (and not take mental damage). ]

sure

[ For once Fabian is the one with no thoughts.. Just vibes.. Sure, there's the thoughts about Gorgug's future plans, but those have nothing to do with this. He can just shove those aside until he's ready for it.

In the meantime he has no idea just how much he's making Gorgug think by saying all of this. Sorry, bro. All those overwhelming thoughts about everything you studied, and then a bro sends you a very casual 'sure'... ]

tell me about it

i'll make a list and show you tomorrow
or another day

[ HE'S NOT DOING THAT RIGHT NOW HE HAS TOO MUCH SHIT IN HIS BOOKS!!! ]

but it was fun texting like this
i like it better

[ Compared to their earpieces.... ]

[ For once Fabian won't press and push Gorgug to no, do it now. Look how merciful he's being.

Or maybe it's just that he's distracted by the past that follows. ]

you do???
why

[ Of course Fabian isn't going to get it. He's not even judging Gorgug or anything, he's just genuinely curious. For a guy who hardly texts at all if he can help it, of course he's not really going to be able to tell the difference, or assign any specific feeling to the difference.. ]

habit i guess?
im used to it

[ It's nice!!!! Sure his fingers are big and dumb but they will always be big and dumb, and he likes the feeling of the crystal in his hands........... ]

you like the earpiece?

i don't know
it is more or less all the same to me

[ Granted, this is heavily colored by Fabian being the sort of person who doesn't even use his crystal as much as his friends.. ]

but i can text you more on our crystals if you want
if there is ever something to text about

[ SEE: THE ABOVE.. I'm sorry, Gorgug, you're forever going to have to text your pal first most of the time. ]

its okay
we can use the earpiece
but i hang onto my crystal since it has my music
so if you ever need to call me that way you can

[ You know!! That thing Fabian is likely to ever do!!! ]

etraya ic inbox.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject