fabian aramais seacaster (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
maximumlegend) wrote2024-04-26 08:23 pm
maximumlegend) wrote2024-04-26 08:23 pm
etraya ic inbox.
▶︎၊၊|||||၊၊၊|။||||။၊|။ 0:20
You have reached a MAXIMUM LEGEND!
[ Why is he always like this? It's a good fucking question.
Instead of answering it, Krouse rolls onto his back, staring up at the night sky. He takes another deep drag off his cigarette and exhales a cloud of grey against the stars. ]
I don't think he really wants to fucking deal with me right now.
[ He's not bitter about Gorgug's anger at him. He's bitter that he's the kind of person who brings that out of people. That he deserves it. That he couldn't be better, for once, when he fucking needed to be.
Of course Fabian has a goddamn motorcycle. ]
But fine. Yeah. I'm with you.
[ Because how can he say no? How could he possibly fucking say no? ]
Instead of answering it, Krouse rolls onto his back, staring up at the night sky. He takes another deep drag off his cigarette and exhales a cloud of grey against the stars. ]
I don't think he really wants to fucking deal with me right now.
[ He's not bitter about Gorgug's anger at him. He's bitter that he's the kind of person who brings that out of people. That he deserves it. That he couldn't be better, for once, when he fucking needed to be.
Of course Fabian has a goddamn motorcycle. ]
But fine. Yeah. I'm with you.
[ Because how can he say no? How could he possibly fucking say no? ]
[ Sorry, Gorgug. It's entirely too late. Fabian doesn't even look at the bowl of cereal you're holding out.
He doesn't even say anything.
In fact - he just straight up bursts out into tears. On the spot. Right in front of Gorgug'ssalad cereal.
Look what you've done now, bro... ]
He doesn't even say anything.
In fact - he just straight up bursts out into tears. On the spot. Right in front of Gorgug's
Look what you've done now, bro... ]
[ At the thanks from Gorgug as well, the Hangman roars its engine in appreciation - though it doesn't say anything more, perhaps wanting to give its master a chance to answer Gorgug's inquiry instead without interfering. ]
Ah, I'm not that tired. [ He says, followed up by a shake of his head. Sure, this place has been tiring him out for months in a sense - but Fabian knows there's only so much he can do about Adaine and the others' predicament in comparison to Gorgug. He's been asking around about it, trying to put people's talents to work, but.. that's all he can do. He can't even push himself to pull all-nighters working on it even if he'd want to.
So it's not like he's lying. Compared to Gorgug, he definitely looks more well-rested. ]
I was thinking of getting some practice in instead. [ He moves his hips from side to side a little to implicate he means dance practice, not sword practice, and then starts to head into the apartment building, looking back at Gorgug as he walks. ] But first I have to make sure you're really going to sleep, and not just sit there and worry. Or try to sneak back out to your lab.
[ He wouldn't put it past you at this point, Gorgug! ]
Ah, I'm not that tired. [ He says, followed up by a shake of his head. Sure, this place has been tiring him out for months in a sense - but Fabian knows there's only so much he can do about Adaine and the others' predicament in comparison to Gorgug. He's been asking around about it, trying to put people's talents to work, but.. that's all he can do. He can't even push himself to pull all-nighters working on it even if he'd want to.
So it's not like he's lying. Compared to Gorgug, he definitely looks more well-rested. ]
I was thinking of getting some practice in instead. [ He moves his hips from side to side a little to implicate he means dance practice, not sword practice, and then starts to head into the apartment building, looking back at Gorgug as he walks. ] But first I have to make sure you're really going to sleep, and not just sit there and worry. Or try to sneak back out to your lab.
[ He wouldn't put it past you at this point, Gorgug! ]
[ Fabian would say something about Gorgug's sudden passion for dinosaur fighting, but then Gorgug just continues talking, and..
.. Fabian just blinks. With his one eye. He's looking kind of confused. Not even that Gorgug doesn't know how to take care of a baby at all - it's not like Fabian is all that much better in that department, let's be real - but more that the other is asking this, when-- ]
Did your parents never read to you?
[ Look. Did Fabian's parents do that? Of course not.
But from the impression he's gotten of Gorgug's parents, he's pretty sure they would. ]
.. Fabian just blinks. With his one eye. He's looking kind of confused. Not even that Gorgug doesn't know how to take care of a baby at all - it's not like Fabian is all that much better in that department, let's be real - but more that the other is asking this, when-- ]
Did your parents never read to you?
[ Look. Did Fabian's parents do that? Of course not.
But from the impression he's gotten of Gorgug's parents, he's pretty sure they would. ]
[ Fabian is fully ready to just ignore.. whatever is going on here with Riz and Gorgug. Not everything about them, mind you, especially since Fabian forces his aching body to get up from the couch at least enough to help grab some of the glasses from Gorgug and put them on the table before the other drops them all..
.. but the embarrassing stuff. The way they're saying they love each other out of the blue? For no reason? Fabian isn't entirely convinced Riz wasn't just saying that to his coffee, honestly, and the way Riz seems to be attempting to shove his entire body into the mug bit by bit really isn't helping.
But he freezes up mid-putting down the glasses when he realizes that Gorgug is.. repeating the 'I love you too'.. and he is indeed looking at him...
Oh, bother. ]
Alright, don't-- [ Fabian starts, but then he looks over at Gorgug's face enough to see just how touched it is.
Oh god.
In the most reluctant way possible: ]
Okay, okay, love you too-- now come sit down!
[ BEFORE THIS GETS EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING. Someone save him from the social skills of these two. Where is Fig when you need her. Fig, please, sis, he needs you!!
Fabian will definitely move to fully sit back down on the couch next to where Riz has buried himself into the pillows though. And if Gorgug doesn't look like he's about to sit down, Fabian will just grab the other's arm and pull him down to come sit on Fabian's other side. ]
Is everyone feeling alright now?
.. but the embarrassing stuff. The way they're saying they love each other out of the blue? For no reason? Fabian isn't entirely convinced Riz wasn't just saying that to his coffee, honestly, and the way Riz seems to be attempting to shove his entire body into the mug bit by bit really isn't helping.
But he freezes up mid-putting down the glasses when he realizes that Gorgug is.. repeating the 'I love you too'.. and he is indeed looking at him...
Oh, bother. ]
Alright, don't-- [ Fabian starts, but then he looks over at Gorgug's face enough to see just how touched it is.
Oh god.
In the most reluctant way possible: ]
Okay, okay, love you too-- now come sit down!
[ BEFORE THIS GETS EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING. Someone save him from the social skills of these two. Where is Fig when you need her. Fig, please, sis, he needs you!!
Fabian will definitely move to fully sit back down on the couch next to where Riz has buried himself into the pillows though. And if Gorgug doesn't look like he's about to sit down, Fabian will just grab the other's arm and pull him down to come sit on Fabian's other side. ]
Is everyone feeling alright now?
[ Gorgug near-jerks his bowl of cereal back to himself when Fabian starts crying, like his tears might accidentally mix in there. But he's not just worried about the food--he's paralysed by what the hell he's supposed to do about Fabian crying?
Other than panic. Like, he's kinda been doing that for the past five minutes... ]
I-I'm sorry, okay?! You're cool, Fabian! And I think you're the hottest-- I think you're the most beautiful person, and I'll think it every day, okay? You don't have to cry! Come on, eat some cereal!
[ And despite the speed he used to take back his bowl, Gorgug is spooning up some of that cereal and trying to direct it to Fabian's crying mouth. Eat the cereal, Fabian! Eat it! You'll feel better! ]
Other than panic. Like, he's kinda been doing that for the past five minutes... ]
I-I'm sorry, okay?! You're cool, Fabian! And I think you're the hottest-- I think you're the most beautiful person, and I'll think it every day, okay? You don't have to cry! Come on, eat some cereal!
[ And despite the speed he used to take back his bowl, Gorgug is spooning up some of that cereal and trying to direct it to Fabian's crying mouth. Eat the cereal, Fabian! Eat it! You'll feel better! ]
[ He's staring back at Fabian with that question, the same face looking back at him. ]
I don't remember when I was in a crib. I think I was-- too small. I don't remember? [ Does Fabian remember? He would ask, but now he's already thinking about his parents reading to him, and what he does remember... ] They used to read to me in bed, but they had to hop onto the bed to sit.
[ ... ] I don't think we can sit in the crib, or on it.
[ He's looking at the crib now. He doesn't think that's possible.
Behold, as the boys' biggest challenge yet is the dumbest of all: navigating a crib to tell a bedtime story. ]
I don't remember when I was in a crib. I think I was-- too small. I don't remember? [ Does Fabian remember? He would ask, but now he's already thinking about his parents reading to him, and what he does remember... ] They used to read to me in bed, but they had to hop onto the bed to sit.
[ ... ] I don't think we can sit in the crib, or on it.
[ He's looking at the crib now. He doesn't think that's possible.
Behold, as the boys' biggest challenge yet is the dumbest of all: navigating a crib to tell a bedtime story. ]
The stupidest thing about the kind of jock jostling and idiot masculine posturing Fabian gets up to, in Krouse's opinion, is that it worked.
He can't figure that out. Of all the people Krouse would have called being able to tolerate being around after that clusterfuck of a month, Fabian wouldn't have made the top ten. But here they are, in Krouse's painfully organized apartment, having beers.
It was an impulse decision on Krouse's part. An idea that hit him in the Kwik Trip, standing in front of the beer display, staring at the Spotted Cow label and trying not to think about anything (anyone) it reminded him of. Drinking alone is pathetic. Drinking with someone is a social activity. Krouse doesn't want to do social activities, but he doesn't want to drink alone, working himself up to the kind of dulled out haze he's almost never actually indulged in.
So he grabbed two six packs of beer and a bottle of vodka, because he doesn't actually know how much he needs to drink to get drunk, and sent Fabian a text. And now Krouse is standing in his bedroom, holding the neck of his third bottle, staring at a picture. It's next to another one, of Krouse and his mom, but Krouse is only handling so much at a time.
Gingerly, he takes the dried grass bracelet off the corner and sets it on the nightstand. He picks up the frame, careful not to put his thumb on the glass, and carries it back out to the living room.
"This is Noelle," he says, holding the picture where Fabian can see it, and tips his beer back to down what's left of it, warmth liquid and nauseous in his stomach. But he's good. He's together.
"She's," Krouse says, bouncing his knee, "She was - "
Noelle, all of fifteen, smiles awkwardly up out of the picture. She's sallow and hollow-cheeked, her shoulder-length brown hair frayed at the ends, her brown eyes sunk in shallow purple hollows. Her shoulders are slightly hunched under her large hoodie, her legs poised on the school picture day stool swallowed in baggy jeans. She looks fragile, strained.
But Krouse can see past that. He can see the glint in her eye, watchful and alert. A line of steel along her spine even as it curves unseen by the photographer's lens.
"She was my team captain," Krouse says, quietly. "She had...something kind of like Gorgug had. The anger issues, you know? Not her fault. She got sick."
She was sick in this picture, too. Krouse knows the signs now the way he didn't back then. But that's not up for discussion. His secrets might be everywhere, but he's keeping as many of hers as this place will let him.
"We were..." Krouse clears his throat. He swaps the empty beer bottle in his hand for a new one from the coffee table with a flex of his power, then feels like an idiot, because he doesn't have a hand free to open it. He doesn't want to put the picture down.
"We were together. Probationary. I was the one on probation." Krouse forces a thin, papery laugh, not looking at Fabian, who probably is looking - sympathetic, or worried, or something. "I still don't know why she ever gave me a chance. I was such a fucking prick."
Is a fucking prick.
"I always pissed her off, too," he says, and now he's just rambling, tongue loosened with alcohol and exhaustion, "You'd think all the practice would have counted for something with him, but - no. I guess I'm just good at pissing people off. Trash at making them feel better."
He can't figure that out. Of all the people Krouse would have called being able to tolerate being around after that clusterfuck of a month, Fabian wouldn't have made the top ten. But here they are, in Krouse's painfully organized apartment, having beers.
It was an impulse decision on Krouse's part. An idea that hit him in the Kwik Trip, standing in front of the beer display, staring at the Spotted Cow label and trying not to think about anything (anyone) it reminded him of. Drinking alone is pathetic. Drinking with someone is a social activity. Krouse doesn't want to do social activities, but he doesn't want to drink alone, working himself up to the kind of dulled out haze he's almost never actually indulged in.
So he grabbed two six packs of beer and a bottle of vodka, because he doesn't actually know how much he needs to drink to get drunk, and sent Fabian a text. And now Krouse is standing in his bedroom, holding the neck of his third bottle, staring at a picture. It's next to another one, of Krouse and his mom, but Krouse is only handling so much at a time.
Gingerly, he takes the dried grass bracelet off the corner and sets it on the nightstand. He picks up the frame, careful not to put his thumb on the glass, and carries it back out to the living room.
"This is Noelle," he says, holding the picture where Fabian can see it, and tips his beer back to down what's left of it, warmth liquid and nauseous in his stomach. But he's good. He's together.
"She's," Krouse says, bouncing his knee, "She was - "
Noelle, all of fifteen, smiles awkwardly up out of the picture. She's sallow and hollow-cheeked, her shoulder-length brown hair frayed at the ends, her brown eyes sunk in shallow purple hollows. Her shoulders are slightly hunched under her large hoodie, her legs poised on the school picture day stool swallowed in baggy jeans. She looks fragile, strained.
But Krouse can see past that. He can see the glint in her eye, watchful and alert. A line of steel along her spine even as it curves unseen by the photographer's lens.
"She was my team captain," Krouse says, quietly. "She had...something kind of like Gorgug had. The anger issues, you know? Not her fault. She got sick."
She was sick in this picture, too. Krouse knows the signs now the way he didn't back then. But that's not up for discussion. His secrets might be everywhere, but he's keeping as many of hers as this place will let him.
"We were..." Krouse clears his throat. He swaps the empty beer bottle in his hand for a new one from the coffee table with a flex of his power, then feels like an idiot, because he doesn't have a hand free to open it. He doesn't want to put the picture down.
"We were together. Probationary. I was the one on probation." Krouse forces a thin, papery laugh, not looking at Fabian, who probably is looking - sympathetic, or worried, or something. "I still don't know why she ever gave me a chance. I was such a fucking prick."
Is a fucking prick.
"I always pissed her off, too," he says, and now he's just rambling, tongue loosened with alcohol and exhaustion, "You'd think all the practice would have counted for something with him, but - no. I guess I'm just good at pissing people off. Trash at making them feel better."
[ That actually gets Riz to look up from where he's swigging coffee long enough to glance at Gorgug in surprise, eyes filled with liquid emotion. He had, in fact, been talking to the coffee. ]
Aww. [ He looks genuinely touched. And also like he might cry a little, for a second? But only in a nice way, really. And it makes him want to say it again, only he realizes that Gorgug thought he was talking to him in the first place, and if he says it again, Gorgug will realize he wasn't and then his feelings would be really hurt, and Riz thinks that would be the end of the world, maybe?
So he doesn't say it again and settles only for patting Gorgug's shoulder fondly once he sits down. Unfortunately for Fabian, Riz appears to be absolutely on board with it. He even turns to smile brightly at Fabian, as though saying see, isn't it so nice that we all love each other? ]
All good here, [ Riz says, offering a thumbs-up. ] We're all still alive, and all of our limbs are still attached. That's a success if you ask me. Good job, team, uh, team... Bad Lads!
[ Was that good? Hey guys! Was that good? Did he do good? Are they the Bad Lads now? Pretty please? ]
Aww. [ He looks genuinely touched. And also like he might cry a little, for a second? But only in a nice way, really. And it makes him want to say it again, only he realizes that Gorgug thought he was talking to him in the first place, and if he says it again, Gorgug will realize he wasn't and then his feelings would be really hurt, and Riz thinks that would be the end of the world, maybe?
So he doesn't say it again and settles only for patting Gorgug's shoulder fondly once he sits down. Unfortunately for Fabian, Riz appears to be absolutely on board with it. He even turns to smile brightly at Fabian, as though saying see, isn't it so nice that we all love each other? ]
All good here, [ Riz says, offering a thumbs-up. ] We're all still alive, and all of our limbs are still attached. That's a success if you ask me. Good job, team, uh, team... Bad Lads!
[ Was that good? Hey guys! Was that good? Did he do good? Are they the Bad Lads now? Pretty please? ]
[ Gorgug was definitely not about to sit back down, because there's still the food that isn't the oranges to get. But he waffles long enough because of Fabian's command that he's dragged and pulled down into the soft cushioning.
But he's kinda sitting on a sofa with two people who love him, so is this the time to think about the food at all? Probably not, when Riz is reassuring him. At least, that's how he's interpreting the shoulder pats, and so he starts to smile. Just sits in this nice little feeling and, heck, even gets an orange to peel.
Know who also probably has more to say about everything that Riz just did than Gorgug? Fabian. He's going to talk immediately first.
Gorgug is just going to be happy here. :) ]
But he's kinda sitting on a sofa with two people who love him, so is this the time to think about the food at all? Probably not, when Riz is reassuring him. At least, that's how he's interpreting the shoulder pats, and so he starts to smile. Just sits in this nice little feeling and, heck, even gets an orange to peel.
Know who also probably has more to say about everything that Riz just did than Gorgug? Fabian. He's going to talk immediately first.
Gorgug is just going to be happy here. :) ]
[ Fabian's fussing should be seen as playful, affectionate--thinking about a friend who's so tired that he's not speaking straight, and Gorgug should see that. But maybe he isn't thinking so straight, and he just sees the effort being put forward. It does make Gorgug slow his steps, since: ]
I won't. I'll go to sleep--I'll go straight there. [ He's looking at Fabian, but if he's looking back at Gorgug, he'll gesture his head back at the Hangman. ] Are you going somewhere, or out here? You don't have to follow me....
[ He could be planning to do it in the living room, though....their place is kind of messy in that too full way that Gorgug doubts would be satisfying for Fabian (Riz jumps and climbs on anything he pleases, but he's Riz, there's a height difference). So there's probably somewhere else he wants to be, and if Fabian can be a bro, shouldn't Gorgug be a bro back? ]
I'm okay, [ he tries to reassure. Maybe he needs to do that? He feels like he needs to do that, even if he can't quite grasp the need for Fabian to worry, or-- do anything about him.
(Seventh place.) ]
I won't. I'll go to sleep--I'll go straight there. [ He's looking at Fabian, but if he's looking back at Gorgug, he'll gesture his head back at the Hangman. ] Are you going somewhere, or out here? You don't have to follow me....
[ He could be planning to do it in the living room, though....their place is kind of messy in that too full way that Gorgug doubts would be satisfying for Fabian (Riz jumps and climbs on anything he pleases, but he's Riz, there's a height difference). So there's probably somewhere else he wants to be, and if Fabian can be a bro, shouldn't Gorgug be a bro back? ]
I'm okay, [ he tries to reassure. Maybe he needs to do that? He feels like he needs to do that, even if he can't quite grasp the need for Fabian to worry, or-- do anything about him.
(Seventh place.) ]
[ He's looking between Fabian and his hands at the offer, but he doesn't want to actually see what being helped up looks like when he's pretty sure he can do it by himself. He starts shuffling his legs under him, letting his arms hover as balance, as: ]
It's okay, I can-- I got it.
[ Thankfully, it's just his hands that are the real problem, and Gorgug manages to pick himself onto his feet with nothing more than a wobble. It's not graceful (grace isn't a part of Gorgug's anything), but it does the job.
But now that he's on his feet, looking at Fabian once more, his eyes drifting downward towards his collar--he turns his gaze away as he asks: ]
Is your-- are you okay? [ He glances back at him, but only glances. Look at his hands, they're so...hands.... ] Your...the bitemark.
[ The bitemark, the bite indentation. The puncture wound.
Nothing else. It was just a bite and nothing else. ]
It's okay, I can-- I got it.
[ Thankfully, it's just his hands that are the real problem, and Gorgug manages to pick himself onto his feet with nothing more than a wobble. It's not graceful (grace isn't a part of Gorgug's anything), but it does the job.
But now that he's on his feet, looking at Fabian once more, his eyes drifting downward towards his collar--he turns his gaze away as he asks: ]
Is your-- are you okay? [ He glances back at him, but only glances. Look at his hands, they're so...hands.... ] Your...the bitemark.
[ The bitemark, the bite indentation. The puncture wound.
Nothing else. It was just a bite and nothing else. ]
[ There is something a little awkward about it all. The way Gorgug seems to almost be blindly touching Fabian as if he's looking for something, the faint reminder of Gorgug's-- Gorgug's song-thing, the way Fabian is still resting his hands on the other's cheeks. He's contemplating drawing them back to himself, but maybe the touch is actually helping his friend ground himself in this moment, and in that case Fabian can't really retreat the touch without worrying about Gorgug going all ballistic again. And Fabian would prefer to not be the next casualty after his battle sheet already had to suffer that, thanks.
So he does keep his hands there, a bit of the awkwardness driven away by the relief that fills him when he realizes that at least Gorgug seems to be getting back to his normal self, until--
Well, until Gorgug says that.
Fabian rapidly blinks with one eye, entirely unsure where that proclamation came from. Maybe Gorgug is still out of it? Even while he's confused and kind of weirded out, he feels himself involuntarily blushing, the darker hue spreading across his cheeks and his ears until he finally makes the connection between what's going on here and the words. Fabian hadn't ever thought of it again, so it took a few moments to get back to him--
-- and he quickly drops his hands in surprise, his face still tinted with the blush. ]
W-Wait, you remember that?!
[ They can address everything else in a second. Like what just happened. And Fabian's battle sheet, now in pieces on the ground. But this is urgent, okay. Why is Gorgug remembering that, of all things!! It was months ago! It was just a random moment of Fabian reassuring Gorgug!! ]
So he does keep his hands there, a bit of the awkwardness driven away by the relief that fills him when he realizes that at least Gorgug seems to be getting back to his normal self, until--
Well, until Gorgug says that.
Fabian rapidly blinks with one eye, entirely unsure where that proclamation came from. Maybe Gorgug is still out of it? Even while he's confused and kind of weirded out, he feels himself involuntarily blushing, the darker hue spreading across his cheeks and his ears until he finally makes the connection between what's going on here and the words. Fabian hadn't ever thought of it again, so it took a few moments to get back to him--
-- and he quickly drops his hands in surprise, his face still tinted with the blush. ]
W-Wait, you remember that?!
[ They can address everything else in a second. Like what just happened. And Fabian's battle sheet, now in pieces on the ground. But this is urgent, okay. Why is Gorgug remembering that, of all things!! It was months ago! It was just a random moment of Fabian reassuring Gorgug!! ]
[ Ah, look at Fabian.
He's making a funny face.
He's also being loud, which is a very Fabian quality, and Gorgug--he's feeling relieved, because nothing spooky or bad is happening the longer that he looks at him. There's the worry in the back of his mind that it might come, but it's being smothered the longer he can see Fabian, acknowledge him. ]
I saw me attacking you and I didn't know if you were real. You disappeared, and then there was this guy that looked like me, and then he was strangling you? And I didn't know if you were gonna be real.
[ And the worry, the fact that didn't come to pass--it's evident in his voice, his throat. The concern is genuine in the way he looks at Fabian, lingering for a moment before finally, he starts to move back; to give Fabian room to get up, while he sits on his legs. ]
What happened? Did I disappear too?
[ Fabian???? :( ]
He's making a funny face.
He's also being loud, which is a very Fabian quality, and Gorgug--he's feeling relieved, because nothing spooky or bad is happening the longer that he looks at him. There's the worry in the back of his mind that it might come, but it's being smothered the longer he can see Fabian, acknowledge him. ]
I saw me attacking you and I didn't know if you were real. You disappeared, and then there was this guy that looked like me, and then he was strangling you? And I didn't know if you were gonna be real.
[ And the worry, the fact that didn't come to pass--it's evident in his voice, his throat. The concern is genuine in the way he looks at Fabian, lingering for a moment before finally, he starts to move back; to give Fabian room to get up, while he sits on his legs. ]
What happened? Did I disappear too?
[ Fabian???? :( ]
[ Fabian's body works on instinct here.
First the instinct to cushion himself when he's suddenly dropped - which is the exact reason he doesn't faceplant, mind you. He would have just by the force Gorgug was using, so uncoordinated and raw, but Fabian's body twists in the air by instinct, through experience of having fallen far too many times in his life. He knows how to land on his side in the best way to keep him from injuring himself.
But Gorgug just keeps going, turning Fabian, pushing him down, and Fabian's body threatens to go for instinct again. The instinct to fight back, to push back, the instinct that his father and mother have drilled into his body. A Seacaster resists, a Seacaster fights. You defend yourself, with tooth and claw if needed.
It's one thing to give into that instinct though with an opponent you don't know, or with a monster. It's another thing to do it with Gorgug, which makes the free arm he was raising to throw a punch - as evidenced by the fact that his hand is balled up into a tight fist - stop mid-air. The fist is still there, but it's hanging in the air, no longer heading towards its intended target of Gorgug's head.
It's Gorgug, after all. It's Gorgug, and yet it's not. It's his voice telling him that he'd fuck Fabian if Fabian wanted him to, but the intent can't be him. It's Gorgug's face staring down at him, but it's not his eyes. ]
I don't want to hurt you.
[ Fabian wants it to sound tough.
But it doesn't. Somewhere between the fluster and confusion that ignited within him at Gorgug's confession and the breathlessness of being manhandled over here, it doesn't. It falters, emotion leaking through in it.
(After all, he doesn't want to hurt Gorgug, no. But what about all that other stuff? What about Gorgug's suggestions? Why isn't he replying to those, when his denial from a moment ago doesn't feel like enough by itself?) ]
I'm so tired of this. [ Of this place, and of everything it has done to him over the months. Of all his encounters with Gorgug, always doomed to end this way, despite the good intentions Fabian enters them with. Of not being able to do a single thing to help his friend.
Of feeling so confused. ]
First the instinct to cushion himself when he's suddenly dropped - which is the exact reason he doesn't faceplant, mind you. He would have just by the force Gorgug was using, so uncoordinated and raw, but Fabian's body twists in the air by instinct, through experience of having fallen far too many times in his life. He knows how to land on his side in the best way to keep him from injuring himself.
But Gorgug just keeps going, turning Fabian, pushing him down, and Fabian's body threatens to go for instinct again. The instinct to fight back, to push back, the instinct that his father and mother have drilled into his body. A Seacaster resists, a Seacaster fights. You defend yourself, with tooth and claw if needed.
It's one thing to give into that instinct though with an opponent you don't know, or with a monster. It's another thing to do it with Gorgug, which makes the free arm he was raising to throw a punch - as evidenced by the fact that his hand is balled up into a tight fist - stop mid-air. The fist is still there, but it's hanging in the air, no longer heading towards its intended target of Gorgug's head.
It's Gorgug, after all. It's Gorgug, and yet it's not. It's his voice telling him that he'd fuck Fabian if Fabian wanted him to, but the intent can't be him. It's Gorgug's face staring down at him, but it's not his eyes. ]
I don't want to hurt you.
[ Fabian wants it to sound tough.
But it doesn't. Somewhere between the fluster and confusion that ignited within him at Gorgug's confession and the breathlessness of being manhandled over here, it doesn't. It falters, emotion leaking through in it.
(After all, he doesn't want to hurt Gorgug, no. But what about all that other stuff? What about Gorgug's suggestions? Why isn't he replying to those, when his denial from a moment ago doesn't feel like enough by itself?) ]
I'm so tired of this. [ Of this place, and of everything it has done to him over the months. Of all his encounters with Gorgug, always doomed to end this way, despite the good intentions Fabian enters them with. Of not being able to do a single thing to help his friend.
Of feeling so confused. ]
[ He looks at the fist; where it sits mid-swing, stopped where it is. Gorgug's eyes scan sideways, body not moving, not reacting to its presence. But his eyes close, he takes in a quiet breath through his nostrils, and there's an acceptance over him that he can experience. There's no fear over what he's doing (what he could be doing); and it's not to say that there isn't fear there, but it's turned towards sadness. Exhaustion. Crippling, crumbling towards defeat. Where you want to lay down and let someone take over, because you feel there's no better answer in yourself.
Isn't that exactly what Gorgug's doing?
And can't Fabian be his someone else?
He doesn't have to fight, something whispers in him. There, pushing against his brain, a freedom anyone should offer a friend they care about. Tantalising, and yet Gorgug gets it, Gorgug understands that deep sadness resonating from Fabian and into him. The confusion, the weariness; the desire to stop fighting, even when they can't. He squeezes his eyes to stay shut, and it isn't the first time they've been like this--close, with Gorgug above him, trying to chase away the demons. ]
I can't fight it, [ he whispers, voice hushed and quick. ] It makes me mad if I do. I can't do anything.
[ A beat. ] I don't have anything else.
[ He can't fight it. The loneliness in him, and the parts of Fabian that he can make feel better--can't he? It washes in, pressing against his being, and Gorgug lowers his head and brings his mouth to Fabian's neck. He moves the hand that was holding up his weight to around the side of Fabian's head, to help his angle as he sinks his lips there against his skin; trailing his mouth up, and letting his tongue skim along the artery that leads up to his ear.
It's wanting, it's desperate; it's a trembling journey. His mouth parts, and he doesn't know how much control he has over himself anymore, if he ever did, as he brings himself over to Fabian's lips with his, and he kisses him--he forces a kiss, pushing his tongue against teeth, biting on Fabian's lip hard if he has to. All to get entry into his mouth, so the darkness waiting in there can move forward.
So Gorgug can have his punishment for wanting Fabian with him in the first place--for letting the real pieces of him sneak out, to try and find someone to help him to begin with.
No one will want him now. ]
Isn't that exactly what Gorgug's doing?
And can't Fabian be his someone else?
He doesn't have to fight, something whispers in him. There, pushing against his brain, a freedom anyone should offer a friend they care about. Tantalising, and yet Gorgug gets it, Gorgug understands that deep sadness resonating from Fabian and into him. The confusion, the weariness; the desire to stop fighting, even when they can't. He squeezes his eyes to stay shut, and it isn't the first time they've been like this--close, with Gorgug above him, trying to chase away the demons. ]
I can't fight it, [ he whispers, voice hushed and quick. ] It makes me mad if I do. I can't do anything.
[ A beat. ] I don't have anything else.
[ He can't fight it. The loneliness in him, and the parts of Fabian that he can make feel better--can't he? It washes in, pressing against his being, and Gorgug lowers his head and brings his mouth to Fabian's neck. He moves the hand that was holding up his weight to around the side of Fabian's head, to help his angle as he sinks his lips there against his skin; trailing his mouth up, and letting his tongue skim along the artery that leads up to his ear.
It's wanting, it's desperate; it's a trembling journey. His mouth parts, and he doesn't know how much control he has over himself anymore, if he ever did, as he brings himself over to Fabian's lips with his, and he kisses him--he forces a kiss, pushing his tongue against teeth, biting on Fabian's lip hard if he has to. All to get entry into his mouth, so the darkness waiting in there can move forward.
So Gorgug can have his punishment for wanting Fabian with him in the first place--for letting the real pieces of him sneak out, to try and find someone to help him to begin with.
No one will want him now. ]
[ He releases a sigh so deep that it's audible even over the motorcycle sounds. ]
Good.
[ It feels better to do it this way. Not that Fabian couldn't - or wouldn't - tackle this alone if he had to, but he doesn't want to just choose Gorgug and leave Krouse to rot out there, and he also doesn't want to focus on Krouse and leave Gorgug alone with whatever has overtaken him. Fabian is enough of an idealist that he wants to help out all his friends here. ]
Tell me. What was he angry about?
Good.
[ It feels better to do it this way. Not that Fabian couldn't - or wouldn't - tackle this alone if he had to, but he doesn't want to just choose Gorgug and leave Krouse to rot out there, and he also doesn't want to focus on Krouse and leave Gorgug alone with whatever has overtaken him. Fabian is enough of an idealist that he wants to help out all his friends here. ]
Tell me. What was he angry about?
We could just.. sit next to it.
[ Right?
That's normal, isn't it? It feels normal. Fabian doesn't have a whole lot of metrics as to what's normal when it comes to raising a baby, given his entire youth spent on a pirate ship and all and they sure as hell don't have a ship to emulate that here, but this feels normal.
He's.. He's pretty sure.
In fact, he'll even demonstrate just how normal it is, grabbing two chairs and putting them next to the crib. They're unfortunately kid-sized chairs, given that this is a nursery, but Fabian moves to sit down on one anyway. Even if it makes him look comically large. It makes him look like Gorgug, actually. ]
See, like this! We just sit like this, and we read! It's truly that simple..! [ Then why do you sound like you are desperately attempting to convince Gorgug of this, Fabian. ]
[ Right?
That's normal, isn't it? It feels normal. Fabian doesn't have a whole lot of metrics as to what's normal when it comes to raising a baby, given his entire youth spent on a pirate ship and all and they sure as hell don't have a ship to emulate that here, but this feels normal.
He's.. He's pretty sure.
In fact, he'll even demonstrate just how normal it is, grabbing two chairs and putting them next to the crib. They're unfortunately kid-sized chairs, given that this is a nursery, but Fabian moves to sit down on one anyway. Even if it makes him look comically large. It makes him look like Gorgug, actually. ]
See, like this! We just sit like this, and we read! It's truly that simple..! [ Then why do you sound like you are desperately attempting to convince Gorgug of this, Fabian. ]
Does Fabian remember how they even got onto this topic? He sure doesn't. Really, it's not even like he's all that drunk yet, despite the bottle of beer that he is also holding in his hand and the fact that it's definitely not his first, but everything is kind of blurry anyway. He remembers Krouse inviting him over, he remembers accepting the invitation easily, since he both wanted to check up on the other and had to get away from all the stuff he's been worrying about ever since everything went back to 'normal' for a few moments.
After that is where the blurriness starts. It's probably because of Gorgug, judging by the hints of the other guy that Krouse is dropping. Did Fabian start about Gorgug? Did Krouse? The half-elf really isn't sure, and he just stares at Krouse and the picture the other is holding, turning over the words in his head.
Maybe if the faint blurriness wasn't present in his mind, Fabian would have the social graces to not say what he's about to say.
But a few beers don't make only Krouse's tongue loose, apparently.
"You're saying were together," he points out.
(There's a lot of past tense going on there, actually.)
After that is where the blurriness starts. It's probably because of Gorgug, judging by the hints of the other guy that Krouse is dropping. Did Fabian start about Gorgug? Did Krouse? The half-elf really isn't sure, and he just stares at Krouse and the picture the other is holding, turning over the words in his head.
Maybe if the faint blurriness wasn't present in his mind, Fabian would have the social graces to not say what he's about to say.
But a few beers don't make only Krouse's tongue loose, apparently.
"You're saying were together," he points out.
(There's a lot of past tense going on there, actually.)
Edited 2024-11-03 12:16 (UTC)
[ But Gorgug was trying to avoid the kid chairs. :(
Because they're kid chairs in every possible way. Gorgug can see himself in Fabian when he sits down, and he knows how it's going to feel when he sits down on that seat. It's the reason he's making a Face when he looks at the chair next to Fabian, like he hopes a better option will pop out from the nether--but then exhales a breath through his nostrils and gingerly lowers himself down onto the chair.
It wiggles as he sets himself down, the chair far from happy either, with his weight. ]
...this sucks...
[ Look at Grumpy THISTLESPRING here. He does mumble it to himself, while sulking in the absolute discomfort of the situation he's found himself in. This is what it means to be a good friend. A good friend to a single dad. So he's opening the book up to the first page, and without any of the energy that his own parents would use going into this... ]
Of course, dinosaurs are big. Everybody knows that... but there was just one dinosaur that was small. Very small.
[ (Gorgug knows a few things about feeling small right now.)
Gorgug is going to do his best. Which isn't going to be the most bombastic at the start (or middle, or ending), but if the Seacaster beside him has issues about his friend's delivery, maybe he should do something about it!! ]
Because they're kid chairs in every possible way. Gorgug can see himself in Fabian when he sits down, and he knows how it's going to feel when he sits down on that seat. It's the reason he's making a Face when he looks at the chair next to Fabian, like he hopes a better option will pop out from the nether--but then exhales a breath through his nostrils and gingerly lowers himself down onto the chair.
It wiggles as he sets himself down, the chair far from happy either, with his weight. ]
...this sucks...
[ Look at Grumpy THISTLESPRING here. He does mumble it to himself, while sulking in the absolute discomfort of the situation he's found himself in. This is what it means to be a good friend. A good friend to a single dad. So he's opening the book up to the first page, and without any of the energy that his own parents would use going into this... ]
Of course, dinosaurs are big. Everybody knows that... but there was just one dinosaur that was small. Very small.
[ (Gorgug knows a few things about feeling small right now.)
Gorgug is going to do his best. Which isn't going to be the most bombastic at the start (or middle, or ending), but if the Seacaster beside him has issues about his friend's delivery, maybe he should do something about it!! ]
[ How did Fabian end up like this? What life decisions put him right here on a couch with the two most cringe people in the entire world? (Okay, maybe not most cringe. Gilear still exists somewhere out there, after all.)
Riz and Gorgug may look like they're having the time of their life here, but as Fabian grabs the juice just to have something else to do that isn't focusing too hard on the other two being embarrassing, he looks like he's ready for death. Maybe he should go back to face those robots again. It can't be worse than this.
.. only for him to choke on said juice the moment the words Bad Lads leave Riz's mouth. Thankfully he doesn't spit it out, but the choking does cause him to get the hiccups when he speaks up again. ]
Abso-- [ hic ] --lutely not! We are not going to be the Bad Lads! I thought I banned you from coming up with a team name for us, The Ball!
[ Stop this. Stop Riz. Gorgug, stop Riz!!! ]
Riz and Gorgug may look like they're having the time of their life here, but as Fabian grabs the juice just to have something else to do that isn't focusing too hard on the other two being embarrassing, he looks like he's ready for death. Maybe he should go back to face those robots again. It can't be worse than this.
.. only for him to choke on said juice the moment the words Bad Lads leave Riz's mouth. Thankfully he doesn't spit it out, but the choking does cause him to get the hiccups when he speaks up again. ]
Abso-- [ hic ] --lutely not! We are not going to be the Bad Lads! I thought I banned you from coming up with a team name for us, The Ball!
[ Stop this. Stop Riz. Gorgug, stop Riz!!! ]
[ There's something about Gorgug's behaviour today that Fabian really can't fully place. He keeps trying to blame it on the other's sleeplessness, but it doesn't feel right. Even if Gorgug is really tired, surely his brain wouldn't keep going around in these circles, right?
And yet it's like every single thing Fabian says somehow manages to point Gorgug back to this point. To trying to push Fabian away, get him to do something else. Anything else that isn't focusing on Gorgug or helping him.
What's up with that? Gorgug is never like that. Fabian can't remember a single instance. ]
What if I want to go with you?
[ So he just decides to lean into it. Pointing out what Gorgug is doing didn't go over well earlier, so he doesn't want to do that. This feels like the easiest way to instead do it. The most Fabian-like way. It'll probably just seem natural if he says it like this with a light and playful tone, especially when he turns to look at Gorgug with that typical Fabian smile. ]
And yet it's like every single thing Fabian says somehow manages to point Gorgug back to this point. To trying to push Fabian away, get him to do something else. Anything else that isn't focusing on Gorgug or helping him.
What's up with that? Gorgug is never like that. Fabian can't remember a single instance. ]
What if I want to go with you?
[ So he just decides to lean into it. Pointing out what Gorgug is doing didn't go over well earlier, so he doesn't want to do that. This feels like the easiest way to instead do it. The most Fabian-like way. It'll probably just seem natural if he says it like this with a light and playful tone, especially when he turns to look at Gorgug with that typical Fabian smile. ]
Edited 2024-11-04 12:33 (UTC)
[ Fabian is pretty sure that Gorgug is just rejecting his offer of help because it's difficult for the other to use his hands right now.
.. yet there's a tiny part of him that worries that maybe it isn't the reason. Is it because of what happened? Did Gorgug realize that Fabian's body had a very specific reaction to what Gorgug was doing to him-- Does he think Fabian is dirty now? It doesn't seem likely with the way his friend is giving him that worried gaze, and yet the thought still exists somewhere in Fabian's mind, a tiny voice nagging him in the back of his brain.
He swallows. ]
It's fine.
[ It's not really fine. Not in the moment, anyway. It hurts like hell, and Fabian isn't sure if you need to get yourself checked out for something after getting bit by another person, but he doesn't want to think of that. He doesn't want to draw attention to the wound when that voice in the back of his mind exists, making him feel all insecure about what might be going through Gorgug's mind right now.
So he says, again-- ]
Really. You think I haven't been bitten by bigger things than you during all the fights we've been in? [ Fabian makes sure to attach a joking tone to it - because that's all this is! Lighthearted talk! A joke! Fabian is not worried about anything, and nothing happened. ]
.. yet there's a tiny part of him that worries that maybe it isn't the reason. Is it because of what happened? Did Gorgug realize that Fabian's body had a very specific reaction to what Gorgug was doing to him-- Does he think Fabian is dirty now? It doesn't seem likely with the way his friend is giving him that worried gaze, and yet the thought still exists somewhere in Fabian's mind, a tiny voice nagging him in the back of his brain.
He swallows. ]
It's fine.
[ It's not really fine. Not in the moment, anyway. It hurts like hell, and Fabian isn't sure if you need to get yourself checked out for something after getting bit by another person, but he doesn't want to think of that. He doesn't want to draw attention to the wound when that voice in the back of his mind exists, making him feel all insecure about what might be going through Gorgug's mind right now.
So he says, again-- ]
Really. You think I haven't been bitten by bigger things than you during all the fights we've been in? [ Fabian makes sure to attach a joking tone to it - because that's all this is! Lighthearted talk! A joke! Fabian is not worried about anything, and nothing happened. ]
Edited 2024-11-04 16:35 (UTC)
Oh, the usual.
[ The depth of Fabian's sigh brings up things Krouse is not dealing with right now, if ever. The idea that Fabian is relieved that Krouse gave in - even though of course he is, after Krouse was so goddamn difficult about - is a lot.
Recounting how he fucked up is, in this case, easier. ]
I'm a lying piece of shit who should have stayed in prison, away from his friends, and I made him feel like an idiot.
[ The depth of Fabian's sigh brings up things Krouse is not dealing with right now, if ever. The idea that Fabian is relieved that Krouse gave in - even though of course he is, after Krouse was so goddamn difficult about - is a lot.
Recounting how he fucked up is, in this case, easier. ]
I'm a lying piece of shit who should have stayed in prison, away from his friends, and I made him feel like an idiot.
[ It's in the later part of the day when a call comes through Fabian's earpiece--from Gorgug, which isn't a common occurrence these days.
And when Fabian connects the call: ]
Hey. [ It's just Gorgug on the screen--looking like he normally does, even looking momentarily away from the screen before he returns to it. ] Are you doing anything later?
And when Fabian connects the call: ]
Hey. [ It's just Gorgug on the screen--looking like he normally does, even looking momentarily away from the screen before he returns to it. ] Are you doing anything later?
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