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No! I guess I don't! [ He cares so much, his voice is sulking through its huffiness. ] If you wanna go around and kiss everyone, I'll just stay lost! I'll just lay down and die!

[ Because he stopped for a second, looked at the ground and decided that. And with it, he turns off the call from his earpiece and sits down to sulk about the fact that Fabian won't pick him up. Won't come and find him.

He may or may not actually lay down on the ground, which sides pointing to: he's going to lay down. Sulkily.

he's so lonely ]

[ It's a good thing - or a bad thing, maybe? - that Gorgug turned off the call, because Fabian is definitely still ranting for a good minute or so before he realizes that he is, in fact, the only person left in the call.

This leads to yet another rant, but at least this one is an intentional monologue. The only being that has to suffer that rant is the Hangman when Fabian steps on it, starting to drive around to look for Gorgug.

It doesn't help that he doesn't even know where the other is, so it probably takes at least half an hour or more before Gorgug may suddenly hear the sound of a motorcycle getting closer, coupled with a very loud: ] Gorgug!

[ Gorgug into laying and dying on the ground anymore by the time that Fabian comes around on the Hangman.

He hasn't actually moved from the spot, either. Except to sit up, get a little comfortable, and just... sulk, in a sense. His heightened emotions from the stupid back and forth have come down from where they were, and now he's just feeling-- bad. Unsatisfied. Kinda really very dumb, if he's honest, even though it's both at himself and at the world in general. In what took place? Maybe it's at his life.

This is dumb. This is stupid.

Gorgug does hear the Hangman, even before Fabian calls, but while he looks over to acknowledge that it sure is the Hangman and Fabian, he doesn't answer the call.

Instead, he looks back at the ground between his legs, going back to being a sulking, 7 foot tall half-orc..... ]

[ Wait, he's-- He's not even talking to him now?! At first Fabian kind of wonders if maybe Gorgug just didn't hear him, but there's no way that's the case. He was being so loud! And Gorgug totally looked at him after he called out, right? So why isn't he calling back to him?!

Fabian's mind is racing just as quickly with thoughts as the boy himself is racing on the motorcycle, and by the time the hellhound possessed vehicle and Fabian stop right in front of Gorgug, he's managed to work himself up into an even further tizzy.

It's kind of comical in its own way, even if the two of them might not realize. On the one hand there's Gorgug, sulking, sitting there, energyless like he's given up on life, and then there's Fabian standing in front of him while he's practically buzzing with energy.

Energy that comes out right away as he says: ]

Are you still ignoring me now?!

[ He's totally convinced himself that's what's going on here as his thoughts were racing, yes. And he doesn't look upset about this at all. Nope. He's tough, and cool, and not going to take shit, and he's totally not standing there looking at Gorgug while Fabian's eyes look kind of hazy and watery, like there's tears gathering there.

That's totally not it!! Totally not happening!!! Nuh-uh!! ]

You don't want to kiss me?!

[ :(

B-Bro. ]

[ Fabian sure is jumping into action, isn't he. Or jumping off his ride, coming up to Gorgug with his voice loud with his complaints, or accusations? Why not both, in this case, as if Gorgug's made his intentions already loud and clear.

He isn't ignoring Fabian. But does he want to kiss him? Not currently, even though he had been plenty okay with the idea of doing more, earlier. Now, he's not even being riled up by Fabian's buzzing energy, with Gorgug looking up at the other, but his mood has been depleted to the point where having a potential ride back isn't as enticing as it should be.

How does he answer Fabian? It's difficult, despite the fact he knows what's bothering him right now; but it feels like something that if he voiced, he might get ridiculed for taking seriously. They were being stupid. Fabian said something stupid.

It takes Gorgug a moment, rephrasing the question, the statement, on the tip of his tongue, before he finally says: ]

I don't want to think about kissing right now.

[ He doesn't want to fight. He doesn't want to pick up where they left off, and he's trying to sound firm without being confrontational or imposing in it, not making it a demand.

He's trying to say please in the statement, though his gaze is avoidant, but overall, his expression is closer to sad than grumpy. ]

What?

[ Even if Gorgug is being so good and careful with his wording over here, there's no chance of it landing well with Fabian. Not with the way he's currently feeling, anyway. Gorgug says he doesn't want to think about kissing right now, and all Fabian can think is that Gorgug doesn't want to kiss him. Even though Fabian was worried about him. Even though he came all the way over here for him. Even though he was the one who gave in, and Gorgug didn't, Gorgug still doesn't want to kiss him.

Fabian can feel the water in his eye starting to burn hot, and he turns his head away before he can actually start to cry. With his back to Gorgug, he furiously wipes at his eye to get rid of it, trying to swallow down the feeling. He's tough. He doesn't cry. Especially not over something like this. He's already looking weak by giving into Gorgug's demands and coming over here with the Hangman, what sort of disappointment would he be if he cried on top of it? He just has to be fine with not being wanted. It's fine. It's fine.

Terrified of seeming too weak, he slams his hand down on the Hangman. Fabian accidentally happens to hit the horn, making it awkwardly and loudly sound out of the blue, probably startling some companion bots in the distance into skittering off, away from the loud blare of the horn.

Fabian quickly pulls his hand off the button he accidentally slammed, swallowing. Yet still not turning around to look at the other. ]

.. fine.

[ The good news? Fabian doesn't sound angry anymore either. Not like he had before, anyway, with the yelling and all.

The bad news is that he definitely sounds like he's about to cry and is trying to pretend really hard that he isn't. ]

Do you still want that ride back?

[ Gorgug hears that What?, and it alone makes him want to bury his head. He's waiting on an avalanche, the complaints that Fabian has to give (of course he will, he's Fabian), and though that should be the follow-up: there is none. The ground has been a better point for him to stare at, but when he doesn't hear anything, Gorgug turns to look at Fabian, to see him turned away, even before the sound of the horn that makes him startle where he sits.

It puzzles him, not knowing if it was on purpose or not; the lack of follow-up, or even what does come being an eventual Fine. And there's something wet in that voice, a trembling component, and Gorgug swallows on this bad feeling growing inside his throat. What's going on? What would he think is going on, maybe, after everything said and done (even though Gorgug can barely comprehend half of any of that): ]

...I'm not breaking up with you. [ His voice feels small, lame coming out of his mouth. Was that the right thing? Should he have said anything? But now he's sitting there with this horrid weight in the pit of his stomach, and he thinks he hears Fabian's voice heavier than it should be, and he blurts out, ] --why did you threaten to kiss other people?

[ He doesn't want to think about it. He knows it was a joke. But-- how did they get here? In this stupid position where everything feels so skewed? ]

[ If Fabian expected Gorgug to say anything else other than a plain yes or no answer to the situation, then it wasn't that question. The first part by itself may not have been incredibly surprising, but then he's suddenly asking that, and--

And Fabian doesn't get it.

A part of him wants to turn around and look at Gorgug's face in the hopes that might explain to him where the question is coming from, but Fabian is kind of afraid of that. He doesn't know how he's looking right now, and so he isn't sure if he wants to show himself to Gorgug while he's looking like this.

So he stays the way he is right now - facing the Hangman, rather than Gorgug. Still not turning around, even as he swallows, breathes, and does his best to keep his voice relatively still as he speaks. (It still shakes a little bit.) ]

What do you mean?

[ It's about as much as he's able to trust himself to say without sounding emotional. ]

[ There's a weight that's over him, the self-conscious part of him that he's been working to push down in his being over the years creeping up and out. Gorgug's head hangs, and he keeps it hanging; knowing he shouldn't back down from this now, or that he can't. ]

You said... I don't know that we talked about being open? But I thought we were exclusive, and, you started talking about going out and kissing people, and I don't know why-- I was trying my best, and then we started fighting, and now I don't even want a ride anywhere.

[ His shoulders slump deeper, as the true power of being bummed washes over him.......

His entire being just wants to be sad. ]

[ Oh, gods.

Is this better? Is it worse? Fabian is not sure if it's better, actually, even if this does explain that it's not like there's some sort of personal grudge or apprehension on Gorgug's part towards kissing Fabian. It should be a good thing, and yet Fabian still finds himself feeling like shit. Gorgug is saying he was trying his best, but-- wasn't Fabian? He waited for him for ages! He was the one who kept himself to their promise when Gorgug didn't! He was just worried for the other, and now it's his fault?

It doesn't feel great. None of it does. But even though Fabian can complain very loudly about a lot of things, his own personal feelings - well, beyond being annoyed at this place, but that feels more like objective reality than anything personal - are something different. It feels like-- Like back home. Like how terrible he felt that mama was leaving for a year, but saying something about it felt wrong. She loved him. He's a big guy now. It's fine.

.. Gorgug loves him. He's.. a big guy now. It's fine. He's strong enough to not show this stuff. It's fine.

Fabian sucks in a deep breath. As the air fills his lungs, he does the same thing he always tries to do. He takes all the feelings and just-- just shoves them away. Like they're something to think about later. Not now. He blinks until his eyes feel more dry. He forces his face into something a little more neutral.

Only when he feels like he'll be able to look and sound relatively normal does he finally turn around. ]

We are exclusive. I was just annoyed-- I didn't mean it.

[ It helps when not a single word of that is a lie. It makes it easier to just say them, to not think about the rest of it. ]

You can't just stay out here though.

[ Weren't they both annoyed? Exasperated, confused--Gorgug remembers feeling confused, trying to stand up for himself, when he kept offering himself to Fabian, but never doing it the right way, and nothing seemed to be going right. He didn't remember the way he came from, and really didn't help when he did start walking in a random direction.

He can't stay out here, Fabian says, but something about going right now doesn't feel right. Maybe he's making that feeling fester in himself, this bummed out state of his by sitting around and not doing anything, but he doesn't know-- if they were both annoyed, then doesn't that say something? Gorgug looks up at Fabian, trying to read his expression, if not that deeply. Not so perceptive to be able to see beyond what Fabian presents, but-- ]

Are you still annoyed? [ ... ] Are you upset that I'm upset?

[ He isn't reading deeply. But Fabian came into this wanting a kiss, and Gorgug is aware of the mood shift--that he's no longer bringing that energy, so: how does he feel now? Is he displeased about this, or actually exasperated, but in a harmless way?

Because Gorgug isn't sure that if they got on the Hangman, what would happen next. If Fabian would be happy with him or not. ]

[ Fabian really doesn't understand it. Why does Gorgug need to ask questions? Why does he just want to sit here and draw this entire awkward situation out? As far as Fabian can see, the easiest solution by far here is to just.. go. To just go back on the Hangman, and pretend none of this ever happened so he doesn't have to think about it again and feel bad about it. Isn't that the way you're supposed to handle these things?

After all, people never ask him this question. Fabian can't remember the last time he was asked about how he's doing beyond situations where he was enduring some sort of mortal peril. Sure, maybe Riz or Gorgug casually have once or twice, but never like this.

Something shifts about Fabian, and though he does mostly manage to keep up the same face as before, something a little more awkward is sneaking into it now.

There's even a small pause before he answers, like he truly doesn't know what to say here. Can't he just go back?? He'd love to go back right now, actually. ]

What do you think?

[ Bro????

You can't ask him these things???

(Sorry, Gorgug, but your boyfriend is very stupid in this regard. He'll get there. It's just that his initial reaction is nothing but awkwardness he doesn't know how to deal with...) ]

[ What does he think? That's the kind of question where his input shouldn't matter: it doesn't matter what he thinks, what matters if what Fabian thinks, but he can't really tell the place where the question comes from. Annoyance? Genuine confusion?

What matters, then, is that Fabian asked. So Gorgug will try to be honest, as well as charitable as he can. Be careful with his words in that way his parents would tell him to be. ]

Well, most times you'll say what you think or feel about something with-- energy, [ read: dramatically ] and the times that you don't, there's a-- it's because you don't want to get hurt, or you don't want to hurt the person you're talking to, and I don't know if this is one or the other. But I know you came here wanting to kiss me, and you-- now you just want to leave, so, I guess I think, you're hurt but you don't want to talk about it?

[ ... ] But I don't want to go back and pretend like we both don't feel bad and not work it out, if you are. [ He looks down at his hands, wanting to fiddle with them, but not being in a great position to do anything with them.

Quieter: ] I care about you.

[ Of course Fabian doesn't want to talk about it. There's a reason he's noped out pretty much every single time Jawbone started on his Jawbone talks - he doesn't want to talk about it. There's no reason to talk about it. Fabian has functioned just fine for eighteen years while not talking about anything.

A part of him is trying to figure out how to nope out of this situation even as Gorgug speaks. He doesn't just want to leave - also cares enough about Gorgug to not want to be that cruel to him - but Fabian also just does not want to talk. The very idea is giving him metaphorical hives.

But then Gorgug say that last part. So quietly, yet so sweetly. And for however much Fabian wants to run, he can't do that when Gorgug is saying that.

So after staring for a moment, Fabian seems to - at least partially - give up. He sits down, out of reach of just jumping onto the Hangman and taking off, practically flopping onto the ground like a collapsing pudding. Bent over, even as he's sitting. His expression slowly slipping into something more-- awkward. Reluctant. Embarrassed, even. ]

You can't just say that.

[ It's not fair, Gorgug!!! Pulling the 'I care about you' card on him?? Uncool! So uncool!

A pause, and then, looking every single bit like he has to forcefully drag the words out of himself: ] I was worried about you.

[ Gorgug here, taking You can't say that to mean that he's so right and he's so good at reading people, actually!! But that's okay, he knows it's difficult to be read like an open Seacaster book. Gorgug can accept how vulnerable it makes his pirate-adjacent boyfriend feel, that he won't comment on it. His eyes on Fabian initially, but then turning to the ground in front of him, nodding in silent acknowledgement.

Until Fabian speaks again. That, too, he understands; Fabian had been upset, and Gorgug does try to reassure him as best as he can, saying: ] I contacted you as soon as I could. Maybe I-- overreacted with my initial text. [ Just maybe. ] But some people are weird? So I didn't know. We meet plenty of people who decide to kill us just because.

[ And he realises now that he can share: ] And he wanted to meet me in an empty church. It had real murder vibes.

[ In Gorgug logic land, where anything can happen. ]

[ At least it does look like Fabian is trying to be good. Trying to listen to the other. Yes, he looks a little bit awkward about the way they're sitting here and talking about feelings - especially when it's happening a little less organically than the previous times, or maybe the stakes just feel a little lower when neither of them are feeling particularly existential at the moment - but he does peek over at Gorgug. It sounds like he's trying to listen to the other and process what he's saying, despite Fabian's own awkwardness. ]

I don't think you overreacted. [ He admits, still peeking over at Gorgug.

Sure, nothing happened, but it sounded shady to Fabian too! Besides-- ]

It's not like we ever know for sure that we can just trust everyone here. And that guy seems.. [ ... ] weird. Yeah.

[ Fabian looks away again. ]

You didn't overreact.

[ So that's not the problem, seems to be the implication.

.. but there's a distinct lack of pointing out what the problem is, huh. Small baby steps when it comes to communication, but he's still not on your level, Gorgug.. ]

[ He didn't overreact, Fabian says. He wonders if that's true, but not in a way where he wants to take all or any particular blame for where they are right now. They know this isn't that serious, and is there the possible they've both overreacted in certain parts of all this? Maybe not about Chrollo, but...

But there feels like there's a but here. A continuation that hasn't been spoken--either an actual 'but', or the real problem hasn't been hit to draw out Fabian's emotions. Gorgug sits there, trying his best to play back their exchanges to the best of his ability, though he's mainly been pouting to himself about Fabian going out and smooching people, but more so just pouting in general. At the sky. On the ground. ]

I didn't guess very well what you wanted from me, but I already agreed that we could do stuff once I got back. [ His tone isn't accusatory, just a reflection on the events, adding: ] That's how I saw it.

[ That was the next part, in Gorgug's mind: his inability to guess what Fabian wanted. Which wasn't his snacks or his bag, but his body. ]

That's not it.

[ It's not fully snappy, but there is definitely a bit more energy in it than the previous thing Fabian said - and involuntarily so, if the surprise on Fabian's face after he's already said the words is anything to go by.

The surprise quickly turns into guilt instead, realizing it's his own fault for not being more clear about this. For not specifying what the problem was to Gorgug a moment ago. Fabian stares at the ground, his body a little more bent over as he finally tries to speak. ]

It's just-- [ ... ] It felt like you didn't even care that I was worried about you. All the stuff after-- It was just because of that.

[ All of the dumbness.. ]

[ He wonders when he gave that impression, but it's also hard to remember half of their exchange with how-- dumb they both got, honestly. It doesn't bother Gorgug in a hurtful manner, but he takes the confession as it is: this is Fabian's feelings. And regardless of what Gorgug remembers or not: ]

I did-- I message you because I knew you would want to know. And I tried to get back to you, but it was far, and I was worried you would think I was taking too long, or get mad I was taking too long.

[ Honestly, more of the latter. Fabian gets huffy with him, and if he was honest about that exchange... ]

Sometimes, it feels like... I don't know if I know the right thing to say. What people want to hear. [ He's taking glances at Fabian, his head tilted towards Fabian, looking between him ad the ground between them. ] I don't know if that's an us thing, or... I guess I've always had that problem.

[ Is it a point that has a place in this discussion? It does, when he knows what it is that he means to say, keeping his gaze on Fabian now. ]

I do try to take you seriously.

[ He tries with everyone. ]

[ There's a slight pause where Fabian is very much not looking at Gorgug, but then he says, sounding kind of defeated as he does: ]

I know.

[ He knows. Of course he does. Gorgug likes him, or he wouldn't be dating him. Mama loves him, even though she's staying away from him for a whole year. Maybe that is why he's feeling so bad, he thinks - because it feels like he shouldn't be feeling this way. That he shouldn't be bummed, because everyone cares about him and loves him, and if something they do makes him feel bad, that's on him, actually.

Isn't that why it would have been so much easier to pretend nothing happened? Why is Gorgug forcing him to talk about this, when it's just making him feel worse? ]

If you think I was wrong, you can just say so, you know. [ Fabian doesn't sound angry, at least.

Whatever is going on with him-- It sounds a whole lot more complicated than that. (But when isn't stuff a whole lot more complicated when it comes to Fabian, right.) ]

You don't have to tell me whatever I want to hear.

[ Does he think that?

There were parts, sure--there was the stuff about the kissing, but Gorgug's already brought that up, and he doesn't want to do it again. There's no reason to, he thinks: because he doesn't want to say Fabian was wrong. He doesn't know that he thinks that, or it's not how he's feeling.

He looks over at Fabian, sees the way that he's not making eye contact with him now, the drop in his voice. And maybe it has more to do with the phrasing, what Fabian says more than any of that, or maybe it has to do with Gorgug's own softening mood, but...

Gorgug starts shuffling. He'll lift his butt up and move over with a crouch if there's enough distance, but he comes to sit next to Fabian, side by side. Settles, looking at his face and then down at his leg, and if Fabian's hand is close, he'll take it to hold to rest over their legs next to each other. ]

You weren't wrong to care. I don't think that. [ He tries, as he said he often does, to consider the better words to say here--what would be considerate of what Fabian's said, how he thought Gorgug didn't care that he was worried.

And he tips his head, leaning it close to the side of Fabian's, as if trying to lightly nuzzles against it. ]

Thank you for caring, [ he says, his voiced dipped to speak the gratitude only to Fabian. ]

[ When Gorgug moves closer, and then even leans into him like that, Fabian doesn't move away. At first he still seems really determined to not look at Gorgug as it's happening, but after a few moments of the affection, he does turn his head just a little bit. Thankfully Gorgug happens to be sitting on the right side where Fabian can actually see him like that, especially since it'd be difficult to do so otherwise with the two of them so close in this moment.

It does still feel a little bit like Gorgug is just saying what he wants to hear, but.. Fabian doesn't want to view this that cynically. Not when Gorgug is being so sweet about it. He's just trying to make things right.

So.. Fabian should do the same. Or he'd be a really, really shitty person. ]

Sorry for saying I'd kiss other people.

[ It's a little bit mumbled, but with how close they are, Gorgug should totally be able to pick up on it. ]

I wasn't thinking about what I was saying. I shouldn't have hurt you.

[ He doesn't speak immediately; but some form of acknowledgement comes in the way that Gorgug strokes the skin of Fabian's hand with his thumb, a short hum following. ]

I knew you didn't mean anything. I think it got worse when I was laying on the ground thinking about it. [ Sulking on the ground is not always a great plan, apparently... ] I'm sorry I was cagey about where I was going. Maybe I can make us radios or a secret messaging system so I don't care about Aurora seeing it? I was looking into it, but some other projects got in the way.

[ One of his many hundreds of projects. How is he meant to focus on secret communication devices if he has robots to make!! ]

Ugh.

[ Apparently that draws out a groan from Fabian. But it also makes him actually look at Gorgug, rather than awkwardly looking away, kind of like he's pretending they're not both sitting here having a conversation with each other.

Now he's actually acknowledging the other. And his expression has shifted slightly - some of the awkwardness from before making way for slight exasperation. Not with Gorgug himself, necessarily, but with this part of the other. The part of Gorgug's brain that's burdening the rest of Gorgug. ]

Don't say that. You're already doing ten thousand things. [ As far as Fabian can see, anyway. He doesn't know a lot of the more technical details of the stuff Gorgug is working on - he just knows that the other always seems to have something to work on. Sometimes the projects seem to pile up in the other's lab. ] You can't overwork yourself just for our sakes.

[ Not allowed, bro!!! ]

Edited 2025-05-15 13:35 (UTC)

[ Look at this face Fabian is making at him! It's some real 'I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed' vibes because Gorgug has yet to make a machine to give him more time. Which is the real problem here.

Gorgug understands where Fabian is coming from, even if he doesn't look convinced. He doesn't look away immediately, but does eventually turn his head, then sighing and letting it droop to tip against Fabian's. ]

Then I should take you next time I go to meet with a weird guy in an abandoned church?

[ Is that the answer? ]

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